Hi Ms. Wonka,
You tell us, "My 21 year old son, who has always been a devout Christian, joined the Air Force in Jan. 2011 As those of you who have been in the military know it can really be hard on a person. Recently he used the F word on facebook. The pastor's wife, pastor himself, and others really got on his case about it. And the pastor's wife stated she would have to delete him from her Facebook due to his language."
First, let me say that the pastor and his wife handled this wrong. I can understand them being upset seeing a young Christian man they know using very inappropriate language on a public forum. But, first, the pastor should have communicated with your son via the Private Message of Facebook -- not chastising your son, but reminding him that when a Christian uses such language on a public forum, this reflects badly on all Christians -- and, more importantly, it reflects badly on Jesus Christ Himself.
Over the past year that I have been on Facebook, I have experienced the same thing -- young people I know are Christian posting the same language. And, I have seen a number of young Christians taking God's name in vain on Facebook -- using OMG as an exclamation, rather than the beginning of a prayer. And, I will admit that several of the young people were from the church I attend.
What I chose to do the first time I had this experience was to write a post which was not addressed to any one person, but, was a "To whom it may concern" type of post. In other words, I addressed the issue -- not a specific person. I have had to do this several times in the past year -- for young people do tend to drift back into bad habits at times. Hey, we all have to be careful not to drift back into bad habits -- regardless of our age.
In the last year, I have only deleted one person from my Facebook Friends list. The young man attends out church -- but, otherwise, seems to hang with a questionable crowd. For several months his post had a lot of "F" and "S" words in them -- plus a few other choice words and phrases. Personally, I was hoping our pastor would see this and, in private, address the issue with him. I don't know if this happened or not -- but, when his posts became worse -- I just took him off my Friends list but did not say anything to him. But, this was not done to chastise him, nor to punish him -- just that I did not care to continue reading his posts. I doubt very much if he even knows I have removed him.
But, let me say again -- from what you tell us, the pastor and his wife handled this very badly.
Next, you tell us, "I don't like to bring up anyone's past -- but, the Pastor, when he was younger, was a drug addict, in jail many times, and spent time in prison for shooting a man in the back (he said it was an accident). He has done his time and turned his life around. I bring this up only to say I think everyone's reactions was very wrong. And the Pastor certainly has no right (in my opinion) to get so upset with my son due to his (pastors) own background at that same age."
All of us, before we became Christians -- did many wrong things. Maybe not to the extent you tell us this pastor did in his youth; but, I can say that I did many things in my youth that I would not brag about. I have even heard a Christian speaker who used to be a Mafia hit man. But, he paid his debt to society, became a Christian believer -- and is an amazing Christian speaker and evangelist. I praise him for turning his life around.
Many of the Calvary Chapel pastors were into drugs and much worse in their youth -- but, turned their lives around and are serving the Lord in great ways. Pastor Bill May as a young man was a drug pusher and when he staggered into a Calvary Chapel church -- had been hiding out from both the FBI and the Hell's Angels for six months. He had not had a bath or brushed his teeth in that six months. But, in Calvary Chapel, he met Jesus Christ -- and turned his life around. He has been a very effective pastor for many years in Redondo Beach.
Pastor Greg Laurie, who is senior pastor at Harvest International Christian Fellowship, and who has been leading the Harvest Crusades for over two decades -- was a drug user in high school, had a mother who had been divorced six times, and he was on a downward spiral. At high school in Southern California, he saw friends at a "Meet Me At The Pole" type of prayer meeting on the school campus. He watched, and through a friend, begin to learn more about what they were doing.
To make a long story short, Greg Laurie became a teen Christian at Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa -- and, later, at the invitation of Pastor Chuck Smith, Greg began leading a Bible study in Riverside, California. That Bible study turned into the Harvest International church group and the Harvest Crusades.
Pastor Raul Ries was an ex-marine from Vietnam, a gang-banger from the rough Mexican part of Los Angeles -- and one day was at home, with a gun, preparing to kill his wife. He was watching television and a program with Pastor Chuck Smith came on. Whatever Chuck Smith said that day turned Raul Ries' life around and that day he became a Christian believer. Today, he is senior pastor of Calvary Chapel Golden Springs and leads the Somebody Loves You Ministries Crusades.
So, you see, Ms. Wonka, it is not what a person was -- it is what a person is today. And, if that person is serving the Lord, we must forgive them some mistakes. What you say the pastor and his wife did to your son was very wrong and I pray that your son does not allow this to affect his walk with the Lord.
My advise to your son would be to find another church with a pastor with whom he is more compatible -- and continue to serve and worship God. Like you son, I was in the Air Force and know that it can be hard on a young man. But, his Christian faith should carry him through. Your son joined the Air Force the same month as a good friend of mine, Jonathan Lao, from Southern California. Jonathan finished Basic at Lackland Air Base and is now in Tech School now studying Avionics. He is a Christian and I know he is staying grounded in his faith -- and I know you son can also.
Like your son, I have had problems with several pastors over the years. I just put that behind me and keep serving the Lord in my church. I would urge your son to put this pastor and his wife in his past and move on to more a compatible Christian pastor and church. But, first, he might try talking to this pastor. Maybe it was all just a misunderstanding which can be corrected -- and they can share fellowship again. But, above all, I would say to your son, "Stay faithful to Jesus Christ. In the long run, He is the only One who really counts."
Finally, you ask us, "I just want some feedback on how my forum friends view this situation. Also, if we let every word that comes out of someone's mouth offend us to the point we no longer wish to talk with them, then how do we lead them to Christ?"
Some people we cannot lead to Christ. Actually, our task is not to lead all people to Christ -- but, to plant the seeds, water other seeds, and let our lives point people toward Christ.
The apostle Paul tells the people of the church at Corinth, in 1 Corinthians 3:6-8, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth. Now he who plants and he who waters are one; but each will receive his own reward according to his own labor."
It is the same with us. Sometimes we plant the seeds of salvation; other times we water and nurture the seeds others have sown. But, it always the Holy Spirit who harvests the soul into the family of God.
Ms. Wonka, no matter what we do, or who we are -- we will offend some people. But, hopefully, in our brief exposure with that person we have planted some seed which may lay dormant for some time -- until another comes along more compatible with him or her. Many times, we just have to do our best -- and leave the rest in God's hands.
My Friend, I pray that something I have written is helpful.
God bless, have a wonderful, blessed day,
Bill