how do you break it to a friend

There is nothing like experience.

Send her the link to this thread?

To be a good friend means to be honest at all times, even if it's something they don't want to hear.

If you are really worried about your friend, simply say "You screwed up and married an ambition-less yet charismatic drunk who is going to leave you friendless and waste your remaining productive years."

Then offer to help in away you can. Sometimes things you say won't have an immediate effect, but it simply creates something they think about and can eventually cause them to come to their senses.

She probably already knows it, but knowing it and getting up the nerve and energy to take the first step in doing something about it are two different things. He's something familiar, and the unknown can be very scary.

That and it's probably low self esteem too. She may not think she can do better or deserved better. She can and does.

If she asked for your advice, give it. If she doesn't, mind your own business. Just be there if she needs you.

Say something to this person but do it in a way that is not going to upset them. Invite this person out for an adult beverage and some "friend" time and while you are having a good time tell this person that you have been thinking about them and you are concerned about that persons situation. Offer to be a friend and someone that won't judge if your friend needs to talk or for a shoulder to cry on.

That's what I would want out of a "friend".

If the guy is abusive or treats her less than decent then yes say something. If he's just a bum that drinks to much mind your own business but don't hide the fact that you dislike him.

It depends on how close you are to your friend. If this is a really close friend who is making a big mistake, then it is your business to warn her.

Be honest, but tactful. Make sure she knows that you'll be there to help no matter what decision she makes.

I spent a year with a psycho skank because I had my blinders on. If I had a friend sit down with me and give me a dose of honesty, I could have gotten rid of her sooner.

i would have to tell her, if i thought she was really in a destructive situation.

try to be tactful with how you say it, but know that it may alienate your friend. even (especially) if she knows you are right, she may take out her anger over her situation on you. try to be prepared for that, and hang with her.

i agree with whoever said she may not seem to be listening to you at first, but she will think about what you said.

Be prepared to become one of the friends that she loses after you confront the situation.

Lynn...that was wise advice..as it will probably happen..now! the best I heard was from Pearline Smith, the 102 year old lady who TD just did the story on...

Her opinion of marriage...she found, "you never knowwhat you have got until you have gotten it"..

She's an adult who is capable of making her own decision. And don't say "I told you so," if she leaves him, either. Women don't seem want or need anyone to fix their problems. Best you can do is just keep quiet and listen.

[quote]By Trader: Posted 10 January 2010 05:51 PM Hide Post
Lynn...that was wise advice..as it will probably happen..now! the best I heard was from Pearline Smith, the 102 year old lady who TD just did the story on...

Her opinion of marriage...she found, "you never knowwhat you have got until you have gotten it"..[/quote]

My Grandma always said "You never really know someone till you live with them." Boy, was she right!!

My first question to u is how do u know this person better than your friend who is getting married to him? Are you going on a gut feeling or hard cold facts? I would think that she would want hard evidence in front of her to make a life changing decision.

in my opinion the best thing to do is let her make her own decisions and do not get involved unless she asks. just be a friend.

It really is true that you never really know somebody until you live with them. I'd say experience is the best lesson.

Also the person will usually just end up hating you for interfering.