Die gracefully and get your carcass put in a cheap wooden cbox and cremated. Have the ashes spread out over your favorite fishin' hole, golf course, or honky-tonk parking lot.
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Maybe people don't want to be spread at a fishing hole, golf course or honky tonk or anywhere else. What is dying gracefully? I'm surprised you didn't say get yourself murdered and you'll get a free write up in the papers.
Who said:
THAT is an absurd, wild-ass, and indefensible statistic. If you disagree, then put up the goods.