quote:Originally posted by Jankinonya:
My niece has a 3 year old that started biting other kids. She had never spanked her and instead had been using time out, taking toys away and talking. We suggested spanking her and she didn't want to. I completely understand not wanting to spank your child. I never enjoyed it or liked it. However after she bit a baby and left quite a large bruise my niece finally gave her a spanking. She started to bite her little brother a few days later and my niece reminded her of the spanking and said she would get another one if she did it again. That was 6 months ago and the biting has stopped.
She had never been spanked before but she was acting violently to other children....She was disciplined in many ways before the spanking. The spanking is what worked. Sometimes it is the answer.
Jankin,
I'm sure you know three-year-olds bite and hit when they are frustrated or angry because they do not yet have the capability to fully express how they feel with words. How many three-year-olds do you know of that can articulate to a playmate, "Please don't take the toy I'm playing with out of my hands. That's unfair." They can't, so they hit or bite.
Pediatricians and child development experts will tell you to remove the child from the situation when this happens and explain to him/her, "We don't bite/hit our friends because biting/hitting hurts the friend." Yes, you'll have to do it a few times before it sinks in, but it will work. This also teaches empathy for others' pain - something that's crucial to learn during the early years (so that he's less likely to become a bully later on).
What I don't understand is why would you spank (and inflict pain on) a child who bit/hit (and inflicted pain on) another child? That sends mixed messages: It's okay for me to spank you but you can't hit or bite your friend.
Many times to discipline is to teach a better way. This is a great example of it because, again, removing the child and explaining it hurts a person when you bite or hit him, teaches empathy for others' feelings and it helps the child learn self-control - i.e., the more this method is reinforced, the more the child will learn how to manage his own anger without mom's intervention in the future.
And isn't that part of our jobs as parents - to prepare our children for the world?
Wouldn't you rather your child learn to control his actions using this method than to spank him and teach him nothing? He's going to have to learn how to control frustration and anger (on his own) sometime.
I know you don't agree. Got it. But this isn't coming from me, these are recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatrics - a group that is completely against spanking. Yes, I know, their views don't matter either.