Dear President Obama,
In light of the recent acknowledgement of some questionable tactics used by the CIA to interrogate terror suspects,I call on you to help me with what you,Pelosi,and Clinton clearly judge to be torture.It is inflicted on my son who is a kindergartener at a school in North Alabama. I know you did not carry Alabama in the election,and consider us to be backwards rednecks clinging to our guns and religion.But sir,I beg of you to make sure that we here in America stick to the high road.The first two examples of torture inflicted on my young son is by his teacher.
It started back in the fall.This rogue teacher made my son do an insect collection.He had to be locked up in our house,and later his class room with several bugs.If it is not ok,for terrorist,then why should he be subjected to it?Then the other day,it got worse.He got in trouble and she placed him in time out and made him stand in the corner.That is clearly unacceptable for terrorist,so it pains me to see him go through such tiresome activity and humiliation.
But sir,the last part is the worst.It involves his mother,my wife that I love dearly.But I have got to do what is right and turn her over.The other night,I walked in the bathroom while she was giving him a bath.With my own eyes,I saw the heartless wench dump a bowl full of water over his head.Of course she said that she was rinsing the shampoo out of his hair,but sir you and I can clearly see that this is obviously a new method of waterboarding.
Sir,I know you are busy firing CEO's and trying to make terrorist love us.But please see if you can help my dear son escape this torture.Say hello to your pastor for me.He seems to be a lovely man.I really enjoyed his sermon praying for God to damm America.Thanks in advance for your help.
Sincerely Yours,
Reformed Right Wing Extremist in Alabama
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