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A friend sent this to me in an email, thought I would share.

WHY I'M DEPRESSED!!


Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promise Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promise Land."

Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promise Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . .. . I called a Suicide Hotline.

I had to press 1 for English.
I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

Folks, we're screwed!

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LOL! Good one semi, hope you don't mind if I contribute one a catholic friend sent me.

 

 

 

 
A Good Catholic Joke

The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mr. Obama and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?  This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Obama replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!"
 

So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, it does

 

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again

and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor

not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop

so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give

it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted

the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the

donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered

 the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring

you much grief and misery,even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier

and live longer!

Have a nice day!

Originally Posted by INVICTUS:

The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery,even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

______________________________

Bill would do well to remember this. Of course, we all know he doesn't worry, it's just to get that extra feather in his cap.

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