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This information is for Catholics Only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics
The less they know about rituals and code words, the better off they are.

AMEN:

The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER:A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN:A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (for you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy)

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman...

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew

consider this warning Paul gave: "See then the kindness and the severity of God: severity toward those who have fallen, but God’s kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness; otherwise you too will be cut off" (Rom. 11:22)

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Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas :

There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshipers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash.. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as 'The Chip Monk'.
I love humor, and also a break in the seriousness that pervades this forum at times.

I reflect back, in memory, of my younger days to recall the most shocked look I ever saw on a Priest face. The look on the fathers face, at mass and communion at my High School when he realized that the wine had been confiscated by some of the students and supplemented with sprite.

Actually it wasn't shock at all but it was a very stern look. I wonder about how the miracle of transubstantiation is handled in those cases?

Also, you know, some nuns don't have the greatest sense of humor. For-instance we had a Sister Mary Catherine who didn't find any humor in it when we told her about having a large hole in her Habit. We began to laugh, after her squirming around to try and glimpse the back, and said how do you think you get your feet through it. Not a good thing to do when the same Sister gave us our Spanish grade.
Hi all,

This is not about humor; but, I always loved attending Our Lady Of The Valley Roman Catholic church in Canoga Park, California -- because all the priests were Irish. I loved to hear them talk.

And, that is where I went for prayer the day John Kennedy was shot. After leaving the church and going across the street to the Frosty Freeze for lunch, I was driving back to work when the news anchor on the radio announced that Kennedy had died.

Something just came to my mind that I never thought about before. When John Kennedy, an Irish president, was shot -- I went to a church with all Irish priests to pray for him. Kind of ironic now that I think about it -- and it only took me 48 years to think about it.

God bless, have a wonderful, blessed day,

Bill

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