WASHINGTON, DC - In response to President Obama's bold challenge to cut government spending by $100 million, Congress voted today to cut fancy ketchup from its catering and cafeteria budget. The move is expected to generate nearly half of the savings the White House has mandated. The savings is expected to reduce the federal budget by nearly 0.00028%.
"The American people are being frugal with their food dollars, and so should we." said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "We can eat regular ketchup just like everybody else." Pelosi went on to list several other luxury items slated for the budget ax, including premium crackers, deluxe wax beans and double stuff Oreos.
Representatives of the fancy ketchup industry were quick to criticize the move. "The cost differential between regular ketchup and fancy ketchup is much less than with other luxury condiments." said Ronald Pellman, Executive Director of the American Condiments Association. "Dijon mustard and green chili salsa - that's where the big bucks are."
Some Congressional members admitted the sacrifice will be difficult. "I always had a little fancy ketchup when I had duck confit with black truffle infused roasted potatoes." Said Massachusetts Senator John Kerry. "But I'll do without for the good of the country."
Governmental logistics experts from the General Accounting Office estimate the phase-out of these products can be accomplished in about three years, at a cost of less than $350 million.
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