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I understand that Lauderdale County has a 'Domestic Violence Unit'. But what do they do? Do any of the other counties have such a unit? 'At what point' is a closer look at the underlying 'causes' of the high percentage of domestic violence cases in this area necessitated?

The latest victim to die as a result of domestic violence in this area was a member of the law enforcement community. One is tempted to think that such an individual, if a repeat victim (or otherwise) of domestic violence, being a member of the law enforcement community, would know how to access the available resources.

Unfortunately, such is not always the case. It often isn't a matter of knowing what to do, but rather is a matter of knowing who to trust in seeking help. Many of you know that my wife is a survivor of domestic violence from her first marriage. During most of the years in which she was a victim she worked in law enforcement, either as a dispatcher, circuit court clerk or as a juvenile probation officer. Not once did she feel that she could turn to them for help.

THAT perception has to change...not just among those vicitms with ties to the LE community, but among ALL domestic violence victims. A level of trust with regards to who to talk to must be cultivated and maintained or the deaths will continue.

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I agree with you dogsoldier and I applaude your post! I survived domestic violence as well and I wish I had known there was help available then. I was too ashamed to tell my family and my "friends" turned their backs. So I thought I had to deal with it myself I guess. No woman should ever have to live in fear or deal with that pain. I was beaten and left for dead with my 4 year old daughter asleep in the house. I thank God everyday that he allowed me to wake up from that and that he gave me the courage to finally get away from that mean man. I would like to see a better advertised program in our area to help women. I will even volunteer my time to help with it.
Women are afraid to tell anyone for fear that the abuser will find out. That's why it is so good to have something like Safe Place where they can just disappear from the house.

Is there a way for the Domestic Violence Unit to assure women about this? The worst thing would be for officers to show up and ask the guy if he was abusing someone and then leave with the woman still in the house.
quote:
Originally posted by HomesickGirl:
Women are afraid to tell anyone for fear that the abuser will find out. That's why it is so good to have something like Safe Place where they can just disappear from the house.

Is there a way for the Domestic Violence Unit to assure women about this? The worst thing would be for officers to show up and ask the guy if he was abusing someone and then leave with the woman still in the house.


While most law enforcement officers have 'been trained' on domestic violence, VERY FEW actually understand it.
Last edited by dogsoldier0513
Oct. is National Domestic Violence Month, a Candlelight Vigil either in Lauderdale or Colbert Co. each year - sad to say, truly only a hand full of people are at these Vigils, and most of them are the workers or the same few victims each year.

Please if you are or have a family member or friend that is need of this help, cantact someone.
"Breaking the cycle of family violence and preventing acts of abuse"

"Walk A Mile For A Child"

Saturday ,April 10th Registration 9:00am and walk begins @ 11:00am from- Webster Hotel in Colbert Co. across O'Neal Bridge to Wilson Park.

for more information contact "Safeplace"
@ 767- 3076 or Debra Gray @ 577-9253

"Safeplace,INC.

Place support this walk in any way possible.

April 18 - 24 is "National Crime Victim Week"

on April 20 -7:00 pm @ Wilson Park ,in Florence a Candlelight Vigil for all Family and Friends of Victims of Crime, from N W Alabama .

"Safeplace-VOCAL-Rape Response " share this Vigil
Last edited by Bamafnatk
quote:
Originally posted by HomesickGirl:
Women are afraid to tell anyone for fear that the abuser will find out. That's why it is so good to have something like Safe Place where they can just disappear from the house.

Is there a way for the Domestic Violence Unit to assure women about this? The worst thing would be for officers to show up and ask the guy if he was abusing someone and then leave with the woman still in the house.


The fear these women have is understandable, but solving the problem isn't as simple as having somewhere to go. Few people can appreciate the extremely manipulative behavior spousal abusers possess or the scope of their influence.
How about we start focusing on the abuser? I mean, you can run to Safe Place for 30 days or whatever, but then you have to go back home, or go somewhere. The problem is too many men (not all) view women as property.

Hard as it is to believe, there are a lot of men out there who sympathize with OJ because he came upon Nicole possibly “cavorting” with another man (Ron Goldman); so, to some, this justifies his rage (and her murder). Forget the fact that they were divorced and also forget the fact that she’s a human being, NOT HIS PROPERTY, some men just don’t get it.

I think women are so reluctant to trust law enforcement because the majority of cops are men, and men are just not as good as women at picking up on subtle cues about feelings, etc. For example, if a female officer responds to a domestic dispute call, I would imagine her words, tone of voice, facial expressions would emit sympathy and support, whereas a male officer would just stick to the facts of what happened.

This is not to say that a male officer can’t be sympathetic; there’s just a difference between men and women when it comes to what’s communicated, and it matters.

Sometimes, bad information just gets handed down. For instance, there are actually people who exist that don’t think it’s a crime - or I should say even possible - for a husband to rape his wife, even though it’s a felony in all fifty states.

And in addition to the property misconception, many men are – please don’t get too angry at me for this guys, ‘cause it’s true – needy, much more so, in general, than women.

So when a woman tells a needy man she’s leaving him, he can’t take it; often, he goes nuts. Then here come the threats, the abuse escalates, and sometimes it all leads to murder. However, when a man tells a woman he’s leaving her, she usually gets down on herself, cries many days and nights and leans on her friends for support, but she gets over it.

I don’t have any statistics, but have read many places where men are much more likely than women to be lonely after a divorce/death of a spouse and are, therefore, much more likely to remarry.

Women, on the other hand, can make it alone. After my grandfather died, my grandmother never even considered remarrying simply because she didn’t want to get married again. She lived another 35+ years after his death as a widow, and was quite happy and content.

I just think we need to start looking more at prevention. Maybe a good start would be for dads (especially) to instill in their sons at an early age that people aren’t property.

(I just want to say for the record that I have nothing against men; I'm married to one. And I do realize that there are women abusers/stalkers out there, but the majority of them are in fact men.)
quote:
Originally posted by dogsoldier0513:
quote:
Originally posted by HomesickGirl:
Women are afraid to tell anyone for fear that the abuser will find out. That's why it is so good to have something like Safe Place where they can just disappear from the house.

Is there a way for the Domestic Violence Unit to assure women about this? The worst thing would be for officers to show up and ask the guy if he was abusing someone and then leave with the woman still in the house.


The fear these women have is understandable, but solving the problem isn't as simple as having somewhere to go. Few people can appreciate the extremely manipulative behavior spousal abusers possess or the scope of their influence.


Not to try and oversimplify this, but if the police arrive on the scene and the woman has had the crap beat out of her, then the police, in my opinion, should be able to use the means necessary to make the abuser not want the police called anymore. To stop this and other crimes of this nature, punishments have to be strong enough to be a deterent. Like inflicting a little brain damage.
Buttercup -- I couldn't agree more. It is not as simple as "go to Safeplace" or "get out" and it takes its toll on you mentally.

I also agree with William Turner though -- if the abusers could get the crap kicked out of them one good time SOME might not would do it again.

However, what I am stunned at lately are the murder/suicides -- that is extreme abuse that goes beyond the help stage. That is "if I can't have you no one will" and that is a very scary place to be. My heart goes out to those that are being abused especially those that are in that stage because you really do feel all alone and like you have nowhere to go and the shame and embarrassment of it just adds to the abuse.
quote:
However, what I am stunned at lately are the murder/suicides -- that is extreme abuse that goes beyond the help stage. That is "if I can't have you no one will" and that is a very scary place to be. My heart goes out to those that are being abused especially those that are in that stage because you really do feel all alone and like you have nowhere to go and the shame and embarrassment of it just adds to the abuse.


THIS is exactly the point my wife was rapidly approaching with her EX. She feels (very strongly) that if she hadn't gotten out when she did, she wouldn't be here now.
Well, I'm not an "expert" on domestic violence due to any professional training. I regret to say that my prior post comes from observations and experiences as a child.

I saw my mother abused far too many times at the hands of my step-father. I saw things that children are not equipped to deal with, but I dealt with them. Sadly, my experiences are not rare in this country.

So after experiencing that stuff, a child will either grow into an adult male that abuses women/adult female that is abused, or the child does the complete opposite, seeing it for what it is; I happened to choose the latter.
quote:
Originally posted by dogsoldier0513:
quote:
However, what I am stunned at lately are the murder/suicides -- that is extreme abuse that goes beyond the help stage. That is "if I can't have you no one will" and that is a very scary place to be. My heart goes out to those that are being abused especially those that are in that stage because you really do feel all alone and like you have nowhere to go and the shame and embarrassment of it just adds to the abuse.


THIS is exactly the point my wife was rapidly approaching with her EX. She feels (very strongly) that if she hadn't gotten out when she did, she wouldn't be here now.


I am lucky to be here today myself. I was left for dead. 10 years later I still get emotional thinking about the fear I felt. Its so awful and I will never understand why people abuse others.
My oldest step-daughter is applying for a scholarship. One of the requirements was for her to write an essay on her career choice. I read it last night. She wrote about her desire to become a 'forensic nurse'.

This career field is little-known, but they specialize in 'treating' victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. They assist LE agencies with the collection and preservation of evidence, as well as providing expert testimony re: injuries specific to domestic violence and sexual assault.

She said early in the essay that there was a reason she chose that career field. Her last sentence was 'Both my mom and I have been victims of domestic violence.' THAT brought tears to my eyes.
quote:
Originally posted by dogsoldier0513:
Until I read her essay I had never heard of a 'forensic nurse'.


I think in Ala. they are called Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners. I know they work with rape response, but don't much else about them. Good for your step daughter. Good that you love your step daughters. Good that you're proud of your step daughters.

As for the woman mentioned in the first post, she was a 37 yr. old grandmother. That says she was always dependent on men and never came into her own person as I see it.
quote:
Originally posted by Infomercial:
quote:
Originally posted by dogsoldier0513:
Until I read her essay I had never heard of a 'forensic nurse'.


I think in Ala. they are called Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners. I know they work with rape response, but don't much else about them. Good for your step daughter. Good that you love your step daughters. Good that you're proud of your step daughters.

As for the woman mentioned in the first post, she was a 37 yr. old grandmother. That says she was always dependent on men and never came into her own person as I see it.


BSNs have at least 3 hours of SANE training. They must first be a nurse for 2 years to be considered for SANEs. Most of these nurses are called out at night and give up sleep much of the time.

I have worked with some and they are truly angels of mercy. They have, not only to council, but do the rape kits, etc., often on hysterical patients. It makes counseling afterward look easy. Kudos to all of them.

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