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So I come home today, tired but not dismayed from the usual daily ration of fecal matter and shinola that is the lot of the sturdy middle class. Life is good; or at least it's managable with the possible glorious assistance of Mr. J. Daniel and philosophy (Boethius or Pascal -- I save Descartes for the serious existential crises).

My wife declares that I have received a letter from my chubby nephew, whom I only see at funerals or other occasions that require me to assemble with my kith and kin. Alas, his mother in heavily into religion, and got him to be likewise most committed way. (My family tended to regard religion as an optional thing, kind of like getting a Ford or Chevrolet at one time, but more lately a Honda or Toyota.) Anyway, I open his missive, thinking it's some benign family-oriented message.

Dad burn it (and stronger language even)! The beknighted little tad is asking me, that's moi, to kick in some money so that he can go to Honduras with some suitably chaperoned other adolescent whelps to do the spiritual works of mercy on behalf of his parochial school. I swore in three different languages (English, French, and German; my Tok Pisin is still polite and rudimentary) and swore that there would be some remarkable thermal happenings in Hell before he got a (modified) cent!

A fiendish thought came to mind: I could send a request for a donation to a birthday party for his Uncle Jim, toiling in vain to teach the unnumbered Mississipians mathematics in a distant county and eating the feral food of the province!. What I had in mind was to do it right: a birthday party for Jim at Hooters', since he did confess that he was Jonesing for some hot wings. This would cause my sister-in-law to pronounce anathemas on me with her hyperreligious brothers. But, this could produce fallout of the worst sort. My poor younger brother, a decent but henpecked sort, would never hear the end of it from his megashrew wife, and I would have performed the status of Awful Deed of the Decade, and ever be mentioned whenever family members come together.

No, my wife suggested an alternative: the little sneak might be sending out lots of letters in hopes of making a profit on his 'religious mission.' Maybe there's hope in nephews yet! Who knows, maybe he could move someday to Nigeria!
"He was born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad." --Rafael Sabatini
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Sounds like you come from really bad people.Sorry you are having to deal with a nephew who is so obviously a bad kid.Doesn't he know that instead of raising money for and going on a missionary trip he could be in a gang, drinking, doing drugs. If he is really smart he will get caught along the way and end up in prison where he could be a missionary without all this unnecessary fundraising.Don't give him one red cent!!
quote:
No, my wife suggested an alternative: the little sneak might be sending out lots of letters in hopes of making a profit on his 'religious mission.' Maybe there's hope in nephews yet! Who knows, maybe he could move someday to Nigeria!



You mean he's already in training for his future in Nigeria? Isn't that where all those letters and emails come from requesting money so you can "claim long lost relatives fortunes" or "you've won the lottery"? Besides, I agree Mississippi is much closer and probably in as much need. Heck, after today's report that 1 out 50 children in America has experienced homelessness, I think your nephew's talents would be just as beneficial in the good ole US of A. And if you decide to contribute to a mission trip in USA, you would be doing your part to stimulate the economy as well Wink

Run it by you SIL and see what she says; after all charity begins at home.
Sorry Ron and Gracie's old man, if I offended your sensibilities with my attempt at humor. And my abode suffices, so you need not worry.

So, lighten up, Francis.

I would like to point out that they only time I hear from the nephew is to be asked for money for his pious excesses. And, in the pop psychological term, I don't want to enable him in that regard. He and his Dad, more so than his Uncle Jim, needs the R & R at Hooters.

Just one last thing: said nephew is not in Mississippi, for which Bro Jim and I both give thanks, as we regard religion as not something people should go to excesses over. Kind of like Mentoes, masturbation, or cell phone use.
Last edited by Duckbutt
What is so humerus about someone who thinks they are better than everyone else devaluing people based on their weight and religious convictions?

You know the best thing you can do for your nephew and family is to let them know how you really feel so they don't feel as obliged to humor you just because the same blood pump through both your veins.
Great post, Senor Duckbutt! I like your humor, even if the stiff-necked Fundies took offense.

You know, humor aside, he has a point. Some of the religiously-inclined feel quite free to inflict that faith on others, including family members. If the kid was asking for a handout for girl scout cookies, or to hand out at Gulf Shores, I might send him a little; but not so that he could annoy strangers.

Too old: your screen name says it all!
quote:
My poor younger brother, a decent but henpecked sort, would never hear the end of it from his megashrew wife, and I would have performed the status of Awful Deed of the Decade, and ever be mentioned whenever family members come together.


Megashrew. I just love it. I'm thinking Supershrew would be good, too. I'd like your permission to bandy this word about, Duckbutt!
Too old to care Posted 10 March 2009 10:43 AM
I don't eat cheerios and i only post on here when something bothers me. My opinion is my own and if it bothers you; put me on ignore as i have some others before. i will continue to post on what irritates me until you cna get me banned. Some of these threads get so rediculous that they should be pulled. You start on one thing and end up 2700 miles away on a totally different subject. May be someone should pee on your pancakes.
Location: on 7 acres of rocks and snakes | Registered: 04 June 2007



Duckbutt, what is the male version of a megashrew?
quote:
Originally posted by George Sand:
Too old to care Posted 10 March 2009 10:43 AM
I don't eat cheerios and i only post on here when something bothers me. My opinion is my own and if it bothers you; put me on ignore as i have some others before. i will continue to post on what irritates me until you cna get me banned. Some of these threads get so rediculous that they should be pulled. You start on one thing and end up 2700 miles away on a totally different subject. May be someone should pee on your pancakes.
Location: on 7 acres of rocks and snakes | Registered: 04 June 2007



Duckbutt, what is the male version of a megashrew?


This post is from George. It was sent to her or him or it as a P/M. Shows what P/M is worth. If i had meant for it to be public; i would not have bothered to send it that way.
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