He nailed it...I just wish he'd said more!

 

The biggest stars in TV and film gathered in Beverly Hills in the hopes of kicking off the 2020 awards season with a highly coveted Golden Globe award, and notoriously controversial host Ricky Gervais wasted no time laying into the Hollywood elite vying for a big win.

Stars from films like “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” “Rocketman” and “The Irishman” as well as shows like "Big Little Lies," "The Crown" and "Barry" were in attendance but the comedian and host was undeterred by the many famous faces staring back at him.

He called out the many stars in the room for their relationship to large corporations like Apple, Amazon and Disney.

"Apple roared into the TV game with 'The Morning Show,' a superb drama about the importance of dignity and doing the right thing made by a company that runs sweatshops in China," he said." So you say you’re 'woke', but the companies you work for, Apple, Amazon, Disney... If ISIS had a streaming service you would be calling your agents."

Gervais then mocked the stars in attendance for their relation to the late sex offender, Jeffrey Epstein. Gervais declared that Epstein didn't kill himself, prompting groans from the crowd.

"Shut up, I know he’s your friend but I don’t care."

Next up on Gervais' jokes list was Felicity Huffman who recently completed a stint in prison for her role in the college admission scandal.

"You all look lovely all dolled up, you came here in your limos. I came here in a limo and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman," he said to the crowd who cringed. "It’s her daughter I feel sorry for. That must be the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to her. And her dad was in 'Wild Hogs,' so..."

He also took a shot at Leonardo DiCaprio for his film "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" being three hours long.

"Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and, by the end, his date was too old for him."

He added: "Even Prince Andrew is like, 'Come on Leo, mate. You’re nearly 50."

He also set his sights on director Martin Scorsese's comments about Marvel movies being like theme parks, joking that he doesn't understand why the director would be at a theme park.

"He's not big enough for any of the rides."

Gervais concluded his scathing monologue by warning the celebrities not to make any political or "woke" statements when accepting their awards.

"You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything," he declared. "You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg."

"Epstein knew he was in trouble when he got a card from the Clintons that said "Condolences on your upcoming suicide"

Original Post

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Authorities say they are investigating the circumstances which led to a dangerous tear in Hollywood's protective bubble that keeps celebrities from encountering the festering disgust everyone outside of Hollywood has for them.

Security experts say the breach caused celebrities to encounter opinions from the real world for the very first time. Hollywood's bubble has been carefully constructed over several decades, keeping the fragile, easily spooked celebs from having to face what life might be like without millions of dollars and constant, sycophantic praise. 

"People don't like us? This is the first I'm hearing about that," said a puzzled Taylor Swift. "Maybe we should change our attitude... but no. It is the people who are wrong."

"The guy with the funny accent was up there saying something about people not caring about our opinions," said Brad Pitt. "It is sad when people are so deluded like that. I hope Ricky gets the help he needs."

Emergency crews rushed to the breach in the bubble and patched it up, assuring panicked celebrities that Ricky Gervais would be deported and no further critical thinking or introspection would be required on their part.

Warning! Satire!

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