Public School Teacher: 'Homeschooling Is Making Kids More Stupider'
BEAVERTOOTH, OR—In a viral video posted to social media earlier this week, Grant Elementary School teacher Ellen Binkowski warned her followers that homeschooling is making kids "more stupider."
"The children aren't learning how to read good, they're not learning how to do the plussing and minusing, and they ain't doin' them colors very good," she said in the video that went viral on Facebook and Twitter.
Binkowski's concerns have been echoed by other teachers across the country, who are worried that as kids stay home, their knowledge and abilities will deteriorate. Incensed teachers commented on her video, writing things like "Our students are loosing they're knowledge" and "For all intensive purposes all these kids are getting more and more dumber."
The teachers have begun an online petition calling for schools to reopen and a #PublicSchoolsAreBetterThenHomeschools hashtag.
"We need to do gooder for our childrens," Binkowski concluded.
Babylon Bee
Study: Majority Of Homeschoolers Arrive At College Woefully Unprepared For Gender Studies
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Education experts and policymakers are sounding the alarm today after a newly released study revealed that homeschoolers are eleventy-billion percent more likely to start their college careers shockingly unprepared for gender studies. According to teachers union officials familiar with the situation, homeschooling parents are neglecting to teach their children even the most basic principles of gender identity.
"An unprecedented number of poorly educated kids arrive at college actually identifying with their biological sex," said Dr. Xindri Pavlovix. "It's a concerning trend. These kids aren't learning the basic difference between biological sex and gender expression or identity. I asked one of my male students what his gender identity and preferred pronouns were, and he just stared at me with a dumb look on his face. Unbelievable!"
To ensure this disturbing trend is reversed, educators have suggested banning homeschooling entirely. Others have suggested going even further and just banning parents altogether. "Parents are an outdated relic of a patriarchal society," said Dr. Pavlovix. "They are endangering our kids and need to be removed from the home immediately."
When reached for comment on the situation, one local dad simply shrugged and continued his "Rifle Marksmanship and Constitutional Law" lesson to his 14 kids.