Hi Chick,
The hardest funeral for a Christian pastor to officiate is that of a non-believer. A truly Christian pastor could not stand before the family and friends and tell them this person was a believer -- when most would know that is not true. But, a true Christian pastor would NEVER stand before the family and friends and tell them this person has gone to hell, even though he, himself, will believe that is true. A funeral message in such a case would have to be generic, comforting the family, buy not lying to them that their loved one is in heaven.
But, to be quite honest -- only God and that person really knows the truth. So, the pastor CANNOT say that the deceased is in hell -- for he cannot now for sure. In many cases, where the person has declared himself/herself to be an atheist or other flavor of non-believer, we just have to accept his/her self evaluation. Yet, even in such cases, the pastor still should not declare that person to be in hell. That would be too cruel to the family.
Of course, the question also comes up: "Why would an atheist have a pastor speaking at his/her funeral service?" This would happen when the family asks a pastor to officiate -- and the pastor should do it out of respect for the family.
The funeral of a believer is a celebration. Yes, there is mourning, for we always mourn the loss of that loved one in our lives -- but, we also celebrate his/her Home Going to be with our Lord. So, there is sadness -- but, there are also lots of smiles, happiness, and fellowship at a believer's funeral. For, although we will miss that person in our lives here on earth -- we KNOW that we will see him/her again in heaven one day, in pure happiness and joy.
On the other hand, the funeral of a non-believer must always be a very sad event; for those family members and friends who are believers know they will NEVER see that person, whom they love in spite of his/her non-believe, again. Fortunately, I have never had to attend the funeral of a non-believer.
Correction, I did attend the funeral of a Muslim friend about ten years ago. He died of a heart attack at the age of 49. And, the funeral was really sad. The family were all weeping and wailing; for their Muslim faith does not offer them any assurances. It cannot, for they do not have Jesus Christ in their hearts. That was truly a sad day.
In closing, let me share a somewhat amusing story about a funeral I attended about 8 or 9 years ago. A family who had been Roman Catholic joined our church. First, it was the mom and two sons who became believers at a Bible study. Then, the two young sons witnessed to their dad and he came into our church. Soon, the dad brought his brother and his family to our church. Then, both brothers brought their mom, Connie, to our church.
In our church, Connie received Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. About a year later, she found she had cancer -- and in another year she passed from this life into heaven.
Because some of the siblings were still in the Roman Catholic church, and out of consideration for them, the funeral service was held in a Roman Catholic church. Then, we went to the burial site at a local cemetery where the Roman Catholic priest gave a message and then left. And, then our Baptist pastor came and gave a message at the graveside.
The funny incident I mentioned is that when the priest gave his message (and our pastor was not there yet), he spoke of Connie being in purgatory -- which has to be a horrible thing to believe about your mother.
But, after the priest had given his purgatory message and left -- about five minutes later our pastor came and began his message with, "Beloved, we mourn our loss of Connie. But, we also celebrate her life -- for we know that she received Christ as her Lord and Savior. And, because we know that -- we KNOW that Connie is standing with our Lord Jesus Christ right now in heaven. The moment Connie breathed her last breath in her mortal body -- her next breath was in heaven with Jesus Christ."
With the purgatory words of the priest still ringing in our ears -- we now had the Truth being shared with us -- that our beloved Christian sister, Connie, was standing with Jesus Christ as we spoke. Praise the Lord!
When Pastor Ed spoke those word, not knowing what the priest had said earlier -- Dory and I looked at each other and smiled. Later, I shared with our pastor how perfect his words had been under those circumstances, sharing with him what the priest had told the family.
Chick, that is the kind of feeling a believer has when a believing loved one dies -- we mourn for a period, but we celebrate much more. Wouldn't you want your family to have that same assurance and comfort when you leave this world some day?
God bless, have a wonderful, blessed day,
Bill