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I am in serious need of advice from you guys. My husband and I will be married 6 years this September. When we discussed getting married, we also discussed combining our belongings as well as our finances. I had lived with my dad for several years and had always paid my way there; feeling that he raised me & my sister and paid our way through college so now it was my time to help him. I paid my own bills and I helped with the household bills. When my husband & I married: I moved into his home that he already had. His 28 year old daughter also lives with us. Here is the problem.

We have separate bank accounts, I know nothing about his financial situation, I know nothing about his cancer and life insurance policies. His daughter is “in charge” of all of this so to speak. She is listed on his bank account, on his insurance policies and on his home. Within one month of marrying the man of my dreams, I had taken my dad and sister’s name off of my bank accounts (to add his) and listed him as the beneficiary on my insurance policies.  My name is on nothing and when I tried asking why he is determined not to add my name on everything I am accused that this is the “only reason I married him”. I am so hurt that he feels this way. I have just always felt that if I contribute to help paying for everything I should have interest in it as well. I really think that if something were to happen to him today, I would be out! The daughter would take over everything. I love my husband and his daughter very much; I feel I am being left out for a reason. My question to you is where do I go from here? Do I deal with it and hope I am wrong? Or do I run like hell and start my life over? HELP!

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Originally Posted by CrushedConfusedWife:
Originally Posted by O No!:

I don't think any "advice" you get on a newspaper internet forum is going to be of any help at all.

 

Sir I was only asking for your opinion.

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My opinion is that you should seek advice from a friend, clergyperson, or trusted professional, rather than a bunch of strangers on a newspaper internet forum.

 

 

Originally Posted by O No!:
Originally Posted by CrushedConfusedWife:
Originally Posted by O No!:

I don't think any "advice" you get on a newspaper internet forum is going to be of any help at all.

 

Sir I was only asking for your opinion.

________________________________

My opinion is that you should seek advice from a friend, clergyperson, or trusted professional, rather than a bunch of strangers on a newspaper internet forum.

 

Ok thanks for your help. Sorry to have bothered you.

 

 

Originally Posted by CrushedConfusedWife:

Not quite sure what else you need to know. He puts just enough in the bank to cover the bills, rest is in his account. No idea how much is there. The home that he & I BOTH are paying for is in his and his daughters name. I strongly feel we should share everything. It only looks as though he is hiding things from me.

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More info such as, why is his 28 year old daughter living with you, why wasn't that a "red flag" before you married him, why do you keep him on your accounts and insurance policy if he doesn't return the favor, and how could you not know these things before you married him? Do you have children? And lastly, what makes someone like him "the man of your dreams"?

Originally Posted by unclegus:
Originally Posted by O No!:
 

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My opinion is that you should seek advice from a friend, clergyperson, or trusted professional, rather than a bunch of strangers on a newspaper internet forum.

 

 

 

 Unless troll is baiting someone!

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It's pretty obvious. It seems every once in a while some "new" person starts a thread like this. I wonder what they get out of it. Oh well, it takes all kinds I guess.

 

 

 

I thought I knew it all before we married, however I knew only what he wanted me to. His daughter had just gone through a divorce, has a 2 year old son and this “arrangement” was suppose to be temporary. I have thought of removing his name from my accounts but that is not the way I was raised. Husband & wife should see that their partner is taken care of. I have consulted an attorney as it was suggested to me by my church family. I don’t feel that is the right move & is why I ask here. Just for the opinion of others, stranger or not.

In my opinion, you definitely should make every reasonable effort to get out of the arrangement with the daughter. She could well be  doing things, wittingly or otherwise,  that could be severely problematic for you in the event of your husband's demise. You say that you love her, but you did not say whether you feel that you can fully trust her as regards your interests.  A marriage is a relationship between wife and husband.  I would be chary of extending the financial affairs of a marriage to a third-party relative.

 

You did not say whether you have a separate income from job or investments, pensions, etc., so I can not even speculate where you might land if your husband died and his assets were not available to you.

 

You did not say anything about how well you actually get along with said daughter, but if you have any kind of amicable relationship with her, you need to tactfully approach both her and your husband and make it clear that you want to be involved in financial matters of the family, including estate planning.  If I were you, I would explain to hubby that one reason I did not seek a pre-nuptial agreement was that I had confidence that matters handled in that fashion could be taken care of between you and him on a good will cooperative basis, and that you have been somewhat disappointed that this does not seem to be happening. My advice is not to let this go on much longer, since the longer it persists, the more entrenched the arrangements will be seen in the view of the other two parties.  

 

As to the insurance policies, you still have some leverage with the ones on you.  You changed the beneficiaries once; you can do it again. Do NOT yield to any suggestions that you change OWNERSHIP of those policies.  If you sign them over to husband and or daughter, then they have complete control of them.

 

This is off-top-of-the-head advice and is not offered under any representation that I have any professional standing or experience in counselling of this type.

 

Good luck.

It seems somebody thinks she's Debrasays? Don't know who that is.

 

Just for the record, though, if a spouse dies without a will, the survivor will get half the house if it's not in both names. If it's in both names, there's right of survivorship.

 

In other words, it there's no will and if there's just on child who already owns half the home, she would then own 3/4 of the home and the wife 1/4. Hope that helped if you really aren't a troll.

 

 

Are you always this much of a jerk? If this the way you choose to post, dont bother giving your opinion.
 
 
Originally Posted by O No!:
Originally Posted by unclegus:
Originally Posted by O No!:
 

________________________________

My opinion is that you should seek advice from a friend, clergyperson, or trusted professional, rather than a bunch of strangers on a newspaper internet forum.

 

 

 

 Unless troll is baiting someone!

____________________________________

It's pretty obvious. It seems every once in a while some "new" person starts a thread like this. I wonder what they get out of it. Oh well, it takes all kinds I guess.

 

 

 

 

1)      For the record, NO I AM NOT A TROLL

2)      The daughter & I have an “ok” relationship. I do love her, I try really hard to be good to her. I am still trying to to work on the trusting part.

3)      My income is from my job. I am in the medical field. And I work very hard to have what I have.

4)      I am not Debrasays, have no earthly idea whom that is.

5)      I am not here trying to “seek divorce” that is the last thing on my agenda.

 

I appreciate those of you that have offered your opinion.

Originally Posted by CoolItGirl:

Do to him what I did to my ex feed him them blue pills, then cut him off, if he goes running to another women then divorce him and take half of what he owns. If not he will most likey give you what ever you want. I did it to my ex and he ran off with another women and I found someone a whole lot better.

 

oh wow. Not exactly sure about the "blue pill". I rather he not go elsewhere. :/

 

Originally Posted by SistahToldYa:

It seems somebody thinks she's Debrasays? Don't know who that is.

 

Just for the record, though, if a spouse dies without a will, the survivor will get half the house if it's not in both names. If it's in both names, there's right of survivorship.

 

In other words, it there's no will and if there's just on child who already owns half the home, she would then own 3/4 of the home and the wife 1/4. Hope that helped if you really aren't a troll.

 

 

Thank you

 

 

 

"Are you always this much of a jerk? If this the way you choose to post, dont bother giving your opinion."

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I don't know. I guess you just have to expect this sort of thing when you join an internet forum run by a newspaper, and then immediately post such personal and sensitive information in a quest for advice from perfect strangers.

I could tell you all sorts of things you should have done BEFORE you married this guy but it would be to no avail now. If you love this person and his daughter you need to concentrate more on your love for them than than your concerns for your welfare if something should happen to your husband. If you have discussed this with your spouse then that is about all you can do for now. You should give him time to respond to your concerns. Some men ( well, most men ) are slow when it comes to making decisions. Give him some time and then address this with him when you feel the mood is right. Your love for your husband should come first. If you put your marriage first everything else should fall into place.

Originally Posted by CrushedConfusedWife:
Thanks for your opinions, most anyway. I realize this is not Judge Judy and I had pretty much made up my mind as what I plan to do. Just getting the opinions of others has pretty much summed it up. I am sure the negative opinions are from guys (go figure) but everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

Just curious after reading this thread and the many replies what you have decided to do. Care to share your decision with us? Also, was this thread at all helpful to you in making your decision? 

Well, Indian men have been fed with subconscious messages that they would leave thier family, when in company of a western woman. They are like women or minority working in a corporate office, which has natural prejudice towards both. Both these groups would exert more effort to show that they are tough. This happens with few Indian men too, they try to show that their affection and love is divided for his girl and family. Back off and give him some time with his family, without sowing seeds of any drama.

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