Surviving The Holidays, After A Loved Ones Passed Away

blues,
It is a timely topic. My dad retired in January of this year. His best friend spent almost everyday with him, working around the house and going to horse shows and such. My mom is in poor health, so it really gave my dad someone to pal around with. Day before yesterday he and Butch had breakfast and were out looking at a horse when Butch collapsed. My dad did CPR on him for half an hour till EMS arrvied and took him to the hospital. It was determined that he had an aneurysm near his heart and he was taken to emergent surgery, where he died late Sunday night. My dad is in shock. Here was a guy who was his best friend who he spent a lot of time with and he saw everyday, who tragically died right before his eyes. He is having a hard time right now, please remember him, and I know as we go to the holidays it is going to be tough on him.

When my MeMe suddenly died I knew things would forever change. The holidays are harder without her, but weddings and births are the worst. I missed her the most at my wedding and my sister's also. I don't know any tips to make it easier, but just remember that your loved ones are having Christmas with God this year.

I lost my mom a couple of days after mother's day in 2001. Holidays have not been the same since. The first few years it was actually depressing because my mom was the one that was the glue that held my family together and organized all the get togethers. It has gotten easier. I decided I want my kids to enjoy the holidays like I did growin up. I still have my alone moments during the holidays where I miss her so much I can barely stand it, but as years go by and my family grows, it does get easier.

One thing that helped my family was to plan a trip during the holidays. I know not everyone is able to do this. The first Christmas holidays after a close family member passed we spent the week of Christmas out of town. We still celebrated the holiday and remembered our loved one, but the planning and trip helped. As I said before, this is not for everyone and not everyone can afford it, but it did seem to help our family. We now take a family trip (Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, moms, dads, and kids)every Thanksgiving or Christmas. We are out of town for 1 and home for the other holiday. I think the most important thing is to spend time with family and friends and take the extra time to remember your loved one.

If you have lost someone I'd suggest finding a homeless person and dressing them up like your lost loved one. You'd be surprised what they what they would do for a good meal. Last Christmas dressed a homeless man up as my Great Aunt Fanny. She was always a bit of a pack rat so the shopping cart fit right in. We found out later that Great Aunt Fanny was just sleeping though.

(humor people)

My Mom passed over in 2006 and the first Christmas without her was more painful than the first Christmas without my husband in 2001. My Mom's death meant i was now the "older generation."
My Mom was in a nursing home the last few years of her life and now, in her memory, i adopt a senior citizen from the Angel Tree at work.
So my suggestion is to help someone else in memory of the loved one that has passed away.

quote:

what suggestions to you have for those who have lost family members

The thing that keeps me going when I really want to stop is the fact that the dead are incapable of missing me. They cannot feel the pain that I feel. They are almost lucky in that respect.

This is a hollow sentiment, I know. Some people find comfort in pretending that the dead are in a "better place" but that rings even more hollow to me. Pretending doesn't change reality.

The reality is that losing a loved one f-ing sucks. Sometimes it sucks so f-ing bad that you don't know how you can keep living but your heart keeps beating, anyway. You somehow get one foot in front of the other. You wear a plastic smile to cover the pain. You carry that impossible burden in hope that the balm of time will sooth the pain.

Christmas is a time of generosity and kindness. Be kind and generous to someone and show them in this life just how much you will miss them when they are gone.

I lost my father on December 23 1993.

quote:

Originally posted by bluesman blues:
A forum member in Tuscaloosa brought this up, and I thought it was an interesting topic. So the holidays are coming fast and you don't feel into it. What things have changed for you and what suggestions to you have for those who have lost family members, oh how do you remember the holidays before a loved one or loved ones have passed away.

You don't survive it you endure it mostly. I'm sorry to hear of any loss for the Holidays only amplify the loss of that loved one as most times that is when Families get together if not at other times of the year. Christmas and Holidays usually are also depressing to many for other reasons as well. If you are a Religious person faith offers us assurance that there is an afterlife and although that loved one is not physically there with us we know that they have transcended into another phase of life and although we can't see them we don't know if they can't see us. Faith is a powerful thing in a persons life and for those that believe then death is not the end of things but a temporary separation in the physical realm.

If you are not a religious person I still would encourage you to seek out friends and acquaintances at a Church of your choosing and participate in several parties where you can meet new friends. Holidays are to be shared and the best way to avoid loneliness or help in the loss of a loved one is to find comfort in the company of people who accept you as a friend and that you can find friendship in the company of.

Again I'm sorry for the loss of a loved one and no one has all the answers but you are not alone and there are many that, like you, seek to find answers sometimes when those answers cannot be found. Share with others and allow others to share with you. Become involved in others lives in helping make the holiday season bright for many who don't have a bright one as it is and in doing so you might just find that you are doing more for yourself by helping others than you are doing for them.

phoenix.... it seems as if you and I have the same sence of humor. that was very funny

I keep waiting for details of Butch's funeral at the Coon Dog Cemetery.