The Ballad of Fred Phelps
(With apologies to the Beverly Hillbillies)
Now let me tell ya a little story about a man named Fred
A preacher up in Kansas with a screw loose in the head
Who says that the way unto God's love is to follow him and him alone
And anyone who disagrees with him he sues and gripes and moans.
Feller ain't wrapped that tight in the head ya understand...
Thinks the homos are out to get him.
Well the first thing ya know now God had spoke to Fred
And it seems He said a lot of things that were better left unsaid
Seems God has an anger problem and all He does is hate
So Fred mobilized his clan and they went from state to state.
Made a nusience outta themselves
Real pain in the butt ya understand.
So they picketed the funerals of the straight and of the gay
And they picketed some places where they should have stayed away
Sports events and concerts, anyplace a headline could be found
Because over and above it all, old Fred was an awful spotlight hound.
Like a spoiled brat ya understand
Wants the attention
Needs a spanking too.
[Maybe an enema also.]
So old Fred sent his family out to every corner of the land
And it made the people scratch their heads because they just didn't understand.
Hate as the way unto God's love, it just didn't make a lick of sense
Then someone suddenly remembered that old Fred always a little dense.
That group got more loose screws than a hardware store.
And now the time has come to say good-bye to Fred and to his clan
And we would hope it's a long long time till we see their face again.
Of course you're all invited back acain to this locality
If you ever learn the meaning of some Christian Charity.
We ain't a gonna hold our breath none
Ya'll have a nice drive home now...ya hear?
Original Post
