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Originally posted by Buttercup:
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Originally posted by CageTheElephant:
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SEZ Buttercup:
It doesn't matter if there are parts of the country where swatting/spanking/whatever is unacceptable; people still do it. Smoking pot is illegal, but people still do it. And a 6 or 7 year old child won't just randomly accuse his parents of spanking him, just because. You say you see it all the time. Maybe it's happened here and there, but not all the time. If a child realizes he can be taken away from a loving home and loving parents, he will not make such an accusation unless he's non compos mentis.
So you were a latchkey kid and turned out fine. You were lucky. Are you honestly going to argue that there aren't latchkey kids out there who get themselves into trouble for the simple fact that they have no supervision several hours a day, day after day? I'm not a helicopter parent, but am sure not going to allow my child to be alone at home until I'm 100% certain he's mature enough and reliable enough to handle it.
And instilling fear of a spanking in my child for misbehaving is just wrong. Again, frightening and terrorizing children is not your job as a parent. You're not a state trooper; you're a parent - their first, and most important, teacher. You make them understand WHY the action is wrong. Spanking does not teach such a lesson.
Well...Good Luck on your PC "child raising" experience.
When they don't want a "TIME OUT"...what are ya' gonna do...then?
He doesn't have a choice on the timeout. And there are other methods: taking away privileges, not allowing extra privileges, etc. that register with his behavior bank (i.e., Is the bad behavior worth it?).
For example, my little boy likes Star Wars. He can save up his own money to buy a toy he likes, but if he's misbehaved I take the privilege of buying it away. That means something to him because, again, Star Wars toys mean something to him.
When going out, we've always explained the consequences of misbehavior before walking out the door so that he'd know what to expect. Example: I'd tell him (when he was younger), "If you misbehave at the grocery store, no cartoons when you get home."
We were always consistent (key word) with the discipline (another key word) and our child has turned out respectful and courteous and very rarely needs privileges taken away or timeouts anymore, because he "got it" a long time ago.
he doesn't have a choice in the time out? of course he does, unless you strap him into the chair.
when you have a child who decides he doesn't really care about that star wars toy, because he's more interested in getting out of the naughty chair and going down the street to see his friend, who has the same toy, and he just gets up and walks out the door?
'go to your room!'
"no."
"you can't play with that toy anymore, give it here"
"no."
"go sit in the time out chair for 30 minutes."
"no"
i said go, now
no
you heard me, you want me to make it 45 minutes? go now!
no.
maybe it didn't happen with your kids.
maybe it doesn't happen with most kids.
but just as spanking isn't appropriate in all situation, (and yes, as someone pointed out, spanking should be the last option, when all else has failed.) it isn't wrong in every situation.
so.. you've told your child to clean his room.
he persists in not cleaning his room. you've told him he's grounded, he gets tiem out, no tv, no ipods, no playstation, no anything for a week, and still he doesn't clean his room.
what's next?
you tell him to clean the room and he says no.
you tell him some more. he says no.
you tell him again, and you get no results.
regardless what you choose to believe, there are kids out there with enough stubbornness to resist anything you say.
my son is one of these. he would rather sit in tiem out and lose privledges that to do a chore he hates. he'd rather be grounded for a week than clean his room. 2 weeks. 3 weeks. he'd rather me clean his room with a shovel, straight into a garbage can than to clean it himself.
so what would you suggest? all privledges are revoked. he comes home from school, does his homework, and then sits in a chair in the kitchen by himself and daydreams until dinner. after dinner he helps clear the table and load the dishwasher, then sits back in the chair, daydreaming until bedtime.
because he prefers this to cleaning his room.
and the whole time he succeeds in defying us, and his room isn't cleaned.
solve this one. this happened to us, several years ago, because we liked the idea of not spanking once they were old enough to reason and understand what was going on.
we let it go on for about a month, determined to out stubborn him.
so, what's your answer to this non-hypothetical situation?
a child has had all pridleges remove, over time, sits in one chair for the rest of the time, and still refuses to do as he was asked.
we asked politely. we bargianed. we bribed. we threatened. we started with the passive punishments until there was nothing left.
what next? should i have let him sit there for the rest of his life before resorting to spanking him?
which i did. three good taps with the paddle on his bottom and sent him to bed.
the next day i walked into his room, carrying the paddle, and said ' you have 1 hour to clean this room. in one hour me and the paddle are coming back, except this time there will be 6 instead of 3."
i went back in an hour, and he was mostly done, he saw the paddle and told me ' can i have another 30 minutes? i'll even vaccum if i can have another 30 minute!"
i gave him the 30 minutes. he was done in 20, including the carpet.
so i took him out for ice cream, and praised him greatly for a job well done.
a couple weeks later i said, "hey kid, i think it's tiem for a few minutes cleaning your room, ok?"
he asked if he could wait till the weekend (2 days away) i said yes. when i went in sat. morning to tell him b'fast was ready he was cleaning diligently.
no more problems. he'll whine, because he hates it, but he does it without hesitation.
how would you have handled it? how would you make him do it when he's already refused to?
g'head, lets see your new agey feel-goody wisdom in action ....
; just wanted to enlighten you.
I'm sorry but you totally missed the point of the study's findings. It does not say that spanking is okay, as long as it's used sparingly; it says that ALL spanking makes children more aggressive. Period.
