The Republican Fisherman


A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below.She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."



The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees,49.09 minutes west longitude.



She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"



"Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to me.



"The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."



"I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"



"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
"The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness"-Joseph Conrad
Original Post
Ah Charge,I think I can top that one!


How they manage the news: A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WWIII. And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman!!! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
The President of the USA, the President of Microsof and the Secretary General of The UN Are called to a meeting with God.

YOU ARE THE THREE MOST POWERFUL MORTALS God intones, so I am telling you the World will end in 15 days.

The US President says "If you attack the USA we will wipe heave off the face of the Earth."
God says, "Heaven is already off the face of the Earth."

The President of microsoft says, "Thank you, now I won't have to fix Vista"
God says, "You couldn't have fixed it anyway. It is just like XP."

The Secretary General Says, "Finally, I can get some sleep and stop worrying about the poor, the hungry, war and Famine."
God Says "That's what I am looking forward to as well."

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