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the TV show...

The running speed of a German Shepherd is at least twice that of the
average out of shape tweaker. If you are going to attempt to outrun one, please calculate the "Rate x Time = Distance" formula ahead of time if you want to avoid getting bit.

- If they say they "just met" another person, then they are close friends who just committed a crime and don't want to be implicated with aforementioned friend.

Anyone who goes out of their way to acknowledge you is hiding something. Anyone who goes out of their way to ignore you is hiding something.

- If you get called to a 911 hang-up and a guy answers the door with a 9 month old child in his arms and says "Oh, the baby must have accidentally dialed it", he means he was just involved in a domestic that he doesn't want you to know about. Sometimes the same guy has a $25k felony warrant as well.

- If you borrowed a BMW from a friend it's not unreasonable to expect you to know your friends last name.

- If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but I get to see a large K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy. For all I care you can keep the $20.

- If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don't need a warrant.

- If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before you search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket.

- We get coffee breaks too, and sometimes we run into stores and do some shopping during them.

- Any person who absolutely cannot sit still or hold a relevant conversation to pertaining subject, and does not mention desperate need of the lavatory, is either: 1) illegally transporting something 2) under the influence or 3) possessing some felony warrant out for them.

- If I ask you the day or month you were born and you have to think about it I don't believe your answer.

- If the company you entertain includes crack, meth, and/or heroin users I may act like a professional when you call me for the burglary report but I'm secretly laughing my a** off at the poetic justice of the situation.

- Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, "Screw you, you can't do..." will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.

- EVERYONE lies. The bad guys lie to try to get out of trouble, the victims lie to make their plight sound worse and/or to make the bad guy look worse. The truth is usually somewhere in between.

- Nobody in the history of the world has ever had "just a couple of beers" and then ended up in contact with law enforcement under circumstances where the amount of alcohol they have consumed is a factor.

- I know ALL my cousin's last names. Especially the ones that I know well enough to borrow their car. So should you. Unless they aren't really your cousin.

- "I get a check" is not the answer that tells me you are a solid citizen when I ask you where you work.

- No bathroom, ANYWHERE, in any house, is large enough to fit everyone who was in the house when the shooting happened. If you tell me you were peeing outside when I point that out, you better be able to show me a wet spot.

- If you look right then left more than once while talking to my face, you are about to wear handcuffs or sit in the back seat of my unit, I do not like foot pursuits.

- If I ask you "is there anything in the car that's illegal" and you say "not that I know of" or "there shouldn't be".....I get very excited. it's like Christmas morning.
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quote:
Originally posted by smokey1:
These are great, but seriously, how long did it take you to come up with all of these?


I had help...from several "Redneck" friends. We get together, and watch this...while drinking.
It's always amazing that this happens over and over...Duh!

We have alot more..."can't run with your pants hangin' under your a**crack...etc" observances...but we are waiting for more...before posting.
It's always amazing that this happens over and over...Duh!

Its funny the world never learns nothing from there mistakes they make.

Genesis 2:9
And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
quote:
Originally posted by Evg. WC:
It's always amazing that this happens over and over...Duh!

Its funny the world never learns nothing from there mistakes they make.

Genesis 2:9
And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

This the worst ecomonic time in the history of my life and I can only pray for deliverance and I can only look for his grace and deliverance.

I can only ask him for the things I need lest I be selfish, "God forgive me for praying selfish prayers and make me a patient servant and in my words to to the most High God."

B...rethern, in this earthly life we endure many storms and we need look no further than our father in heaven for the shelter we need from these storms.

You can well reason that when one storm ends another is on the horizon.

God is an umbrella that is never closed at the first clap of thunder and he a ray of light on a stormy day. He will never leave or forsake us and he will be with us til the drop has come.

In your life always remeber: Jesus said these words, " my yoke is easy and my burdin is lite!"

Amen!

Check out my profile on facebook.com



FORSOOTH! (And stuff..).

What the effing heck?

Signature big enough there, chappie?

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