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Thinking Errors Of Sex Offenders:

(credits to: SOAR textbook "Thinking Errors". Courtesy of Harnett County Correctional.
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Sex offenders molest or rape for several reasons. Most people who do not molest or rape have a hard time understanding how sex offenders can. The easiest way to understand why some people commit sex offenses and some people do not is in the way sex offenders think. Sex offenders, in order to offend, have changed their way of thinking so that having sex with children or raping is not the same as others believe it to be. If a person who does not offend comes in contact with a child or adult and has a sexual thought, that person thinks in a way that prevents sexual contact from occurring. Because of these thoughts, it becomes impossible for the non-offender to enjoy or become involved in deviant sexual behavior since those thoughts about having sex with children or committing rape are uncomfortable.

The sex offender, on the other hand, thinks in ways that make sexual offending okay or harmless. In order for the sex offender to molest or rape, he must have spent a great deal of effort changing his feelings from the way most of society feels about sexual offending.

By the time the sex offender is arrested, he has usually spent a great deal of time thinking in a way that justifies his actions. Not only did the sex offender use certain thoughts to allow the sexual contact to occur, but after the offender is caught, certain thoughts must be used in order to justify the offending behavior. When offenders come into treatment they may have already admitted that they have committed a sexual offense, but usually use thought processes that allow themselves to justify what has happened. This kind of thinking prevents the offender from looking at his behavior in the same way that others view his behavior.

Additionally, sex offenders have molested children or raped to fulfill their own needs. This means that sex offenders have practiced having their needs met, regardless of how their needs may affect others. Not only will sex offenders use thinking to justify sexual offending, but they will use thought processes to justify having their needs come before the needs of anyone else. When the sex offender enters treatment, he: 1) has used thinking errors to sexually offend; 2) has used thing errors to justify what he has done and; 3) uses thinking errors to make his selfishness in treatment acceptable.

If an offender is to make changes in his life, thinking errors must be recognized and changed!

1. Blaming: The sex offender who uses blaming, can find an excuse not to solve his/her problems. When the offender blames others, he/she is no longer responsible. Blaming can be used to build up resentment toward someone else for "causing" whatever has happened. Through the blaming technique, the offender can be angry at or have his/her family angry at "someone else", rather than him/herself. Examples would include blaming the daughters friend that told, or the investigators, the judge, the DA, anyone will do as long as the focus is off the offender.

2. Seeking Sympathy: Sex offenders do not like to feel as though they are wrong. They will feel better if they can get others to feel sorry for them. Seeking sympathy is when the offender says or does things in order to get others to feel sorry for him/her. E.g., confessing about their own childhood abuse, and statements like, "My family would be better off without me."

3. Justifying: Justifying is very much like blaming or excuse making, in that when the offender justifies, he has found a way of explaining the reason for things. The offender does not want to recognize that things are the way they are because of his/her actions. Examples: "She needed to learn about sex from someone who truly cared for her" or "He wasn't my natural son, only my stepson".

4. Redefining: The process of redefining is shifting the focus of an issue to avoid solving the problem. Redefining is also used as a power play to get the focus away from the offender. A conversation with someone who uses this defense might sound like:
Question:"Why do you need time alone with that child?"
Answer: "Did you know that it is a proven fact that children who are mentored do better in school."

5. Pet Me: The sex offender is usually very selfish and thinks only of his needs. When the offender employs this tactic, he/she often will set up other people so that his/her needs are constantly being met. He/she will want to do things so that he/she receives "pats on the head". He/she wants to be noticed, cuddled and certainly wants to avoid feeling badly. Offenders are very keen at finding people who will enable this behavior. It might be expressed by frequent quizzing about things he/she has told you about themselves or crying and asking someone to pray with them.

6. Lying: Lying is one of the most common thinking errors used by sex offenders. It is done in many different ways and is used to confuse, distort, or make fools of other people. There are three kinds of lies: 1) Making up things that are simply not true and have not happened. 2) Saying things that are partly true but leaves out important details that, if known, would certainly change the situation. 3) When his/her behavior or actions are not accurate or that suggests something is not true. Like showing support for a person and then undermining them to others.

7. Uniqueness: This thinking error allows the sex offender to believe that his/her crime, or their past is special and different from other offenders so therefore the same rules do not apply. This offender will want specialized treatment or individual instructions and constantly focuses on his/her differences, no matter how small, rather than recognize the glaring similarities.

8. Making Fools Of: Making fools of others allows the offender to feel powerful and in control. To avoid being made a fool of, people around him/her, often become very dependent. If the offender can keep everyone waiting, hoping, and wondering, he/she will be in a position of power. When he/she gets someone to depend on him/her, he/she may fail intentionally to make that person look foolish for depending on him/her.

9. Assuming: Sex offenders spend a great deal of time believing or thinking that they are so powerful, so smart, that they know how others think and feel. They typically do not check the facts and do not actually care what other people think and feel. They may become excessively arrogant and can not conceive of other individuals having unique thoughts, feelings and attitudes.

10. Fact Stacking: The sex offender uses the technique of fact stacking so that even though he/she may be telling the truth, the facts are arranged to be most favorable to the offender. E.g., Fact: daughter came into room and demanded to sleep with me. Additional facts are omitted such as: a thunderstorm had terrified the child and the child was seeking safety and security.

11. Phoniness: This thinking error occurs when the offender pretends or projects himself as being cooperative and helpful, while, in fact, a great deal of manipulation is taking place. The offender always thinks of himself first. When the offender is being phony or being nice to others, there is always something that will be owed back to him/her later and normally the offender has that in mind the whole time.

12. Minimizing: Minimizing is a common technique used by offenders to allow themselves to believe that what they have done is not really important or damaging. He/she will look at reality and find one aspect of it to minimize, therefore he/she can minimize the entire act. "I didn't actually have sex with her just fondled her a little. At least she's still a virgin." or "She's had sex with other boys anyway."

13. Vagueness: Vagueness is a clear and intentional action to avoid being pinned down. If the offender is vague and unclear, the the reality of his/her actions can never be examined. In vagueness, the offender will fail in assignments, will only hear what he/she wants to hear, and will be stumbling around innocently in treatment and never work at or even look at the reality of his/her crime. Examples are "It just sort of happened", "I'm not sure", "I don't remember" or "I blacked out".

14. Anger: Offenders will use anger to manipulate and control others. If he/she is confronted with a behavior that is inappropriate, outrage and anger can cause all the attention to be given to the anger, rather thatn to the criticism of the offender. When the offender demonstrates tantrums, aggression and outrage, he/she gains the center stage and everyone tends to focus on the anger, rather than him/her.

15. Secretiveness: The offender uses a veil of secrecy to avoid looking at the reality of the situation. He/she will use this as a weapon against his/her victim, often making the victim feel trapped and obligated. He/she will use this in treatment by focusing on confidentiality to avoid openness and honesty. It is also a power play in that if he/she is keeping secrets that others want him/her to share, then he/she has power and control.

16. Keeping Score: Often the offender will be angry and hostile internally, and rather than working on problems, he/she will choose to deal with anger and hostility by keeping track of mistakes others make. If the offender is criticized, he/she will avoid looking at the criticism, and instead, attempt to keep track of the criticisms others are receiving. He/she will computerize and calculate to find out if he/she is receiving more criticism than other offenders. The offender will become very busy with this "Keeping Score" technique, and because he/she is involved with this process, he/she will avoid working on his/her problems.

17. Grandiosity: Offenders use grandiosity to make little things turn into very important things. As he/she makes a big deal out of something, the issues that were more important, become less important. The offender will not only focus his/her attention to something insignificant, but can often get others to focus their attention away from the reality of his actions. This technique often is called "setting brush fires" as the offender would like to focus attention in a very dramatic and grandiose manner away from the reality of the situation and in a very controlled, dramatic, and grand manner, will set little fires of controversy and inquiry toward things that are insignificant in hopes that the most significant things will be discounted or left without examination.

18. Victim Status: The offender will often want to present him/herself as a victim in order to manipulate and control others. This is a form of passive-aggressive behavior and is often used on the people who care about the offender. If he/she can become a victim of others, then usually those who are close to him/her will rush to his/her rescue and the crime of the behavior will be over looked. In using this technique, the offender may develop problems, such as illness or depression, may appear to be financially devastated or he/she may want to talk about his/her abuse as a child. If the offender can become the victim, then he/she does not have to recognize him/herself as an offender.

19. Let's Fight: The offender may use the technique of getting others to fight so he/she can stand back and be the innocent bystander. As he/she manipulates and controls others into becoming aggressive and hostile towards each other, he/she can become the "shining example of maturity". The offender will often provide information that will be upsetting to to some people so that others will "fight". He/she may then enter into the conflict and even attempt to resolve it. If he/she can set up the conflict so that other people look like fools in their hysteria and their "fighting", he may resolve the conflict and appear to be in control and powerful.

20. Confusion: An offender may present him/herself as puzzled and confused about the reality of the situation. He/she will present genuine concerns about issues, and in this confusion, others around him/her will take it upon themselves to figure out the confusion. The offender will appear cooperative and will appear to be attempting to follow the rules and comply with treatment. In reality, he/she is simply presenting the "puzzle" to others and standing back while they try and figure it out. The technique is especially used be sex offenders in understanding rules and boundaries. If he/she can remain "confused", he/she will not have to follow the rules and will actually be in control.

21. Helpless: This thinking error occurs when sex offenders present themselves as being helpless, incapable, and in need of others. He/she will focus the conversation on his/her inabilities, like; finding a job, keeping appointments, following rules, respecting boundaries. As the offender is "helpless" others will be called upon to help him/her. This is simply another way that the offender can be in control of others. Additionally, if he/she is helpless, he/she is incapable of accepting responsibility for his/her actions.

22. You're Okay, I'm Okay: Offenders often use the technique of being extremely positive and agreeable in order to avoid looking at the reality of the crime that he/she has committed. He/she will minimize others crimes so they won't question him/her to harshly and "slide" with thinking that he/she knows in not healthy so others will like him/her and everybody is happy. If the offender can manipulate others into thinking in positive terms, he/she has control, and will not have to look at the reality of the crimes and damage he/she has done.

23. My Way (Or the Highway): This thinking error is also known as all or nothing. We use this thinking error by trying to exert our power over others through insisting that things be done our way or not at all. Using this thinking error, we see things in only black and white, success and failure. We do not see alternatives and we lose our power to choose between alternatives. We believe we have to be "number one." Anything less is failure. For example; "If I can’t be the best, I don’t want to do it." "If we can’t play basketball, I don’t want to play."

24. The Hopovers: This thinking error is also known as sidetracking or "changing the subject." An offender will use this thinking error when he/she tries to change the subject or when confronted with facts about his/her behavior. He/she will bypass to another subject very quickly to distract others from the real issue. For example; "Why did you molest that child?" Response; "In some cultures girls are allowed to marry at 12 years old. Remember, part of learning is disciplining yourself to stay focused and deal with the issues or problems at hand.

25. I Can't: Sometimes we use this thinking error so that others won’t expect us to do what is required or expected. This attitude is in contrast with the offenders normal behavior since his/her self-image is that of a powerful person who is totally in control. "I can't" expresses unwillingness -- "I won't". Saying "I can't" represents failure to make a choice to live responsibly.

26. Mr. Goody: The sex offender using this thinking error is sentimental and thinks him/herself a good person and not a criminal despite a possible long history of major sexual crimes. His/her sentimentality reveals itself, for example, as a love for a relative, compassion for; babies, the disabled, the elderly and pets. More of this is present in his thinking than in his actions. Many offenders regard themselves as religious, pray sporadically, and some irregularly attend church. His/her sentimentality is fragmented and is quickly eliminated in search for sexual excitement or excitement in general.

27. It's Mine: This thinking error is when an offender believes that it is proper for him to take possession, by stealth or force, anything he chooses. When he/she enters a room, he/she views all the contents as belonging to him/her. When he sees an attractive woman, he regards her as a bed partner. The offender's thinking and action reflect the world view that his/her right's, desires and objectives are more important than those of others. He/she has abused society and all the while insists on what he/she views as his/her rights. His/her "rights" means the license to do as he/she pleases without accountability. The offender has failed to learn that one persons' liberty (rights) end where the next person's nose begins. The offender using this thinking error is used to taking people for granted and prejudging how they will and ought to function.

28. Refusal to Acknowledge Fear: This thinking error is where one refuses to acknowledge fear. He/she cuts off any fear that stops him/her from doing what he wants to do. A healthy minded person would use fear as an incentive for self-improvement and living responsibly.

29. Superoptimism: The offender is superotimistic as he/she regards him/herself triumphant in the enterprise of stopping deviant sexual activity. He has cut off his fears and thinks he can control all events in which possibilities become accomplishments. Early in treatment, this offender is told that the program is difficult, and it's duration is long, and that his/her thinking processes must be eliminated and new ones learned and implemented. He/she is certain that there is nothing to it. In his/her mind, he/she has made the decision to live responsibly, and little else is required. Superoptimism is accompanied by complacency. Once he/she's got it they quickly loose interest in doing the day-to-day grueling work of a program and will often skip group for some fabricated reason.
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