A three-legged dog limps into a saloon in the Old West. He hobbles up to the bar, orders a cool bowl of water. After lapping it down, he turns to the saloon and announces: "I'm here looking for the man who shot my paw."
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Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home.
If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you
down Peachtree.
If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you
down Peachtree.
Down in Northeast Georgia a lot of people from Florida have bought land and moved in for the summer. One fall, about October, a man from the North who had read the Foxfire books, came down first hand to meet some of the mountain people he had been reading about. He pulled into a service station for a fill-up and while he was there he inquired of the station attendant, "Where can I find some of those people who talk so funny?" The attendant look at him for a minute and replied. "You're too late, they've all gone back to Florida for the winter."
My cousin had a black and tan coon dog that had lost a leg after being hit by a car. She still had the best nose of all his dogs. He kept taking her hunting, just changed her name from molly to tripod.
quote:Originally posted by themax:
My cousin had a black and tan coon dog that had lost a leg after being hit by a car. She still had the best nose of all his dogs. He kept taking her hunting, just changed her name from molly to tripod.
LOL! COOL!
What do you call a dog with no legs???????
Nothing, he can't come if you call him
Nothing, he can't come if you call him
A doctor made a house call on an elderly lady.
She was sprightly and healthy, and he remarked on her good condition.
"Have you ever been bedridden?" he ask.
"Oh my, yes", she said.
"Several times, and twice in a buggy."
She was sprightly and healthy, and he remarked on her good condition.
"Have you ever been bedridden?" he ask.
"Oh my, yes", she said.
"Several times, and twice in a buggy."
There was this man that had fourteen children, and the man swore to a neighbor that if his wife became "expecting" again he'd shoot himself . Well, she did, and he took his revolver and went out behind the barn. The neighbor came by inquiring about him. His wife told him she'd seen her husband go out behind the barn with his gun. The neighbor rushed behind the barn and found the man sitting on a stump whittling with his gun laid beside him. " I was afraid you were going to shoot yourself, " the neighbor said. " "Well, I was a-going to," the man said, "but I got worrying that I might executing an innocent man."
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replies the drunk.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replies the drunk.
Roflmao.. xD Thanks for the laughs guys.. 
I know a few, but the ones that are really funny, would be censored here. 
Here is one though that was posted on the g/pg-rated site I help with, today, though that I think ya'll would get a kick out of:
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was a man who dated men and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the one that dated men, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.
He returned around 2:30 am , and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, You're Fired!"
Hope ya'll enjoy.. there were some others posted today, but some of them were really cheesy.
~Manda~
I know a few, but the ones that are really funny, would be censored here. Here is one though that was posted on the g/pg-rated site I help with, today, though that I think ya'll would get a kick out of:A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was a man who dated men and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the one that dated men, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.
He returned around 2:30 am , and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, You're Fired!"
Hope ya'll enjoy.. there were some others posted today, but some of them were really cheesy.
~Manda~
My, how I wish I could resist. But having been born and raised in the Shoals, I think this one is particularly appropriate here. 
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
He said, "Like what?"
I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"
He said, "religious."
I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
He said, "Christian."
I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
He said, "Baptist!"
I said,"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
He said, "Baptist Church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
He said,"Reformed Baptist church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!"
I said, "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.
-- Written by Emo Phillips
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
He said, "Like what?"
I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"
He said, "religious."
I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
He said, "Christian."
I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
He said, "Baptist!"
I said,"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
He said, "Baptist Church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
He said,"Reformed Baptist church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!"
I said, "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.
-- Written by Emo Phillips
quote:Originally posted by themax:
My cousin had a black and tan coon dog that had lost a leg after being hit by a car. She still had the best nose of all his dogs. He kept taking her hunting, just changed her name from molly to tripod.
Same here, except MINE was a 3-legged bird dog named Wendy. She lost a hind leg at 9-months. She never slowed down and only had trouble scratching behind her right ear.