anyone here ever successfully taken back a spouse after you caught them having an affair?...if so, how did you become able to forgive? was your marriage ever the same?
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a marriage can never be the same after a spouse cheats
A marriage is profoundly affected by cheating. It can, however, continue. It depends on the individuals involved. I have not experienced this in my marriage (thankfully). I have worked with several couples who have gone through it. For some it worked out, for others it was over. There are many variables.
quote:Originally posted by Gypsee:
anyone here ever successfully taken back a spouse after you caught them having an affair?...if so, how did you become able to forgive? was your marriage ever the same?
I took him back, after she was killed in a car wreck. And i didn't forgive to make him feel better, i did it to make me feel better and so i could try and put it behind me... but i never forgot. And, no, the marriage was never the same. The trust was never again 100% and "just there" the way it was in the beginning.
IMO once a cheater always a cheater never to be trusted again.
quote:Originally posted by NYTrooper:quote:I took him back, after she was killed in a car wreck. And i didn't forgive to make him feel better, i did it to make me feel better and so i could try and put it behind me... but i never forgot. And, no, the marriage was never the same. The trust was never again 100% and "just there" the way it was in the beginning.
" IF " you didnt have anything to say why didnt you leave the thread after you read it ? Instead you got to bash every thread huh . And Salty wasnt even in this one . You slipping or what ?
I think this is jeyboy .
quote:Originally posted by ~*~Freebird~*~:
IMO once a cheater always a cheater never to be trusted again.
I agree.
Many years ago, as a child, I watched as a beautiful dog was shot and killed. This dog was a sheep killer. Sheep killers and cheaters are much the same, they know it is wrong, they know you don't approve, they know they will get caught, BUT once they do it, they will do it again and agsin. Cheaters know it's wrong, they know you don't approve, they know they will get caught, BUT once the do it, they will do it again and again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Forgive them and move on...
quote:Originally posted by SHELDIVR:
Many years ago, as a child, I watched as a beautiful dog was shot and killed. This dog was a sheep killer. Sheep killers and cheaters are much the same, they know it is wrong, they know you don't approve, they know they will get caught, BUT once they do it, they will do it again and agsin. Cheaters know it's wrong, they know you don't approve, they know they will get caught, BUT once the do it, they will do it again and again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Forgive them and move on...
Soooo....the cheater should be shot?
quote:Originally posted by Mrs . Rabbit:quote:Originally posted by NYTrooper:quote:I took him back, after she was killed in a car wreck. And i didn't forgive to make him feel better, i did it to make me feel better and so i could try and put it behind me... but i never forgot. And, no, the marriage was never the same. The trust was never again 100% and "just there" the way it was in the beginning.
" IF " you didnt have anything to say why didnt you leave the thread after you read it ? Instead you got to bash every thread huh . And Salty wasnt even in this one . You slipping or what ?
I think this is jeyboy .
There's an old Roseanne episode where her son, DJ, keeps making the same eyeroll face, and when asked why he's doing it he replies "I'm trying to see my eyebrows."
So everytime NYT does the eyeroll i laugh.... i figure he's trying to see his eyebrows....LOL.
quote:anyone here ever successfully taken back a spouse after you caught them having an affair?...if so, how did you become able to forgive? was your marriage ever the same?
My only question is: Why do you WANT them back?
quote:
If picking on picking on PuF makes you feel so manly, you might wanna try taking off those pantyhose. It might do wonders for your self-esteem.
Gypsee-
To forgive and forget is pretty risky. You take the chance of being hurt again. Not to sound harsh, but you also put yourself in the position to catching whatever the cheater brings home "on" themselves. Sorry to sound so negative, but I know of this happening to a few people.
To forgive and forget is pretty risky. You take the chance of being hurt again. Not to sound harsh, but you also put yourself in the position to catching whatever the cheater brings home "on" themselves. Sorry to sound so negative, but I know of this happening to a few people.
quote:
Well, since he's been dead for eight years, they're welcome to him.
quote:Originally posted by Ed@Bama:quote:
If picking on picking on PuF makes you feel so manly, you might wanna try taking off those pantyhose. It might do wonders for your self-esteem.
Thank you, Ed, but NY
Your panythouse comment is pretty spot on, though. A lot of times bullying stems from problems with gender identification. When a male does it, it's over compensation .....extra macho to try and mask the extra feminine.
So, the more bullying he does, the more he's trying to convince himself, and others, he's really a man.
quote:Originally posted by ^PuF^:
Thank you, Ed, but NYPooTrooper doesn't bother me.
Now why didn't I think of that one?
Puf..... you and Salty just make me really laugh..... I know you just hit NYTrooper (Not Your Trooper) right on target!.....
Love it!...... no one could be more deserving!.....
Love it!...... no one could be more deserving!.....
quote:Originally posted by Ed@Bama:quote:
If picking on picking on PuF makes you feel so manly, you might wanna try taking off those pantyhose. It might do wonders for your self-esteem.
That was great!Thats funny,I don't care who you are.
I believe there is no pat answer to this question. Each case would have to be looked at and the circumstances known and studied. While there are habitual cheaters, I think there are also folks who cheat once and never again. I have known people who have taken back a spouse and it work and others where in time the cheating spouse did so again.
PuF, I commend you on your choice and your ability to forgive and go forward. I hope that the second half of that relationship (while never 100% trusting) was a good one for you.
PuF, I commend you on your choice and your ability to forgive and go forward. I hope that the second half of that relationship (while never 100% trusting) was a good one for you.
PUF,
Good one!
Ed,
"If picking on picking on PuF makes you feel so manly, you might wanna try taking off those pantyhose. It might do wonders for your self-esteem."
I would never pick on dear PUF. However, I've removed many a pair of pantyhose (but not from myself) and it did wonders for me.
Good one!
Ed,
"If picking on picking on PuF makes you feel so manly, you might wanna try taking off those pantyhose. It might do wonders for your self-esteem."
I would never pick on dear PUF. However, I've removed many a pair of pantyhose (but not from myself) and it did wonders for me.
thanks everyone....there are young children involved so i want to be able to do everything possible so that they will know i tried...things are looking positive...church involved....but a long time for trust to build...i wouldn't wish this on anyone as it is a hard wake up call when God wants your attention!..i'm just thankful this is something we can fix...perhaps we'll come out stronger than ever ...that is my prayer...thx again.
Gypsee,
I will be praying for you and your family. God can fix anything and I personally believe He delights in proving it to the "world" so I know He will do His part in this situation. I also believe that you can come out stronger and even at times happier if that would be the right word - maybe its just more appreciative of what you have and almost lost.
God bless!
I will be praying for you and your family. God can fix anything and I personally believe He delights in proving it to the "world" so I know He will do His part in this situation. I also believe that you can come out stronger and even at times happier if that would be the right word - maybe its just more appreciative of what you have and almost lost.
God bless!
quote:Originally posted by readaholic:
PuF, I commend you on your choice and your ability to forgive and go forward. I hope that the second half of that relationship (while never 100% trusting) was a good one for you.
Thank you.
quote:Originally posted by interventor1:
...I would never pick on dear PUF. However, I've removed many a pair of pantyhose (but not from myself) and it did wonders for me.
thus the big smile on your avatar face...lol
quote:Originally posted by Gypsee:
thanks everyone....there are young children involved so i want to be able to do everything possible so that they will know i tried...things are looking positive...church involved....but a long time for trust to build...i wouldn't wish this on anyone as it is a hard wake up call when God wants your attention!..i'm just thankful this is something we can fix...perhaps we'll come out stronger than ever ...that is my prayer...thx again.
I apologize for the hijack.
Do all you can do, but realize sometimes there comes a point when you are better off without someone, than with them...and it's better for children to have one happy parent than two unhappy ones. I hope you and your husband are one of the couples that are made stronger by what has happened.
You, your children, and your husband are in my prayers.
quote:Originally posted by ^PuF^:quote:Originally posted by Gypsee:
thanks everyone....there are young children involved so i want to be able to do everything possible so that they will know i tried...things are looking positive...church involved....but a long time for trust to build...i wouldn't wish this on anyone as it is a hard wake up call when God wants your attention!..i'm just thankful this is something we can fix...perhaps we'll come out stronger than ever ...that is my prayer...thx again.
I apologize for the hijack.
Do all you can do, but realize sometimes there comes a point when you are better off without someone, than with them...and it's better for children to have one happy parent than two unhappy ones. I hope you and your husband are one of the couples that are made stronger by what has happened.
You, your children, and your husband are in my prayers.
not a problem and thank you for the prayers and comments that are being weighed heavily in this fog of emotions...
Gypsee, I hate it that you are experiencing this. I have not been through it and so have little in the way of advice, but I'll be praying for your family. God will know who I mean. (((hug)))
Sorry Puf. I will remove my postings. Please accept my Apology.
Gypsee, I do hope it works out.
NYT, good for you.
NYT, good for you.
quote:Originally posted by NYTrooper:
Sorry Puf. I will remove my postings. Please accept my Apology.
Thank you, but you don't have to do that.
It's over and done with. No more said about it.
gail, it works if your name is Mary Winkler and you live in Selmer, Tennessee. Not what I would recommend (shooting) but I used that illustration to signal how serious this is...you see everyone loved that dog including the shooter, BUT if you forgive the behavior, it is permission to do it over and over again, sheep killing or cheating. A cheat will repeat...and as someone pointed out when you take them back they are likely to bring home STDs, some that haven't even been named yet...
quote:Originally posted by LMM:quote:anyone here ever successfully taken back a spouse after you caught them having an affair?...if so, how did you become able to forgive? was your marriage ever the same?
My only question is: Why do you WANT them back?
No way. How someone can betray the person they are supposed to love? How do you go home and look that person in the face and smile? Cold heart.
yeah, SpookyHacker, how can you betray people so easily?
aren't you the one hacking into Monet's...er gail's...computer?
that's a pretty low blow..and could get you in some big trouble,
lady.
aren't you the one hacking into Monet's...er gail's...computer?
that's a pretty low blow..and could get you in some big trouble,
lady.
MONET there are Federal laws about hacking, so don't be accusing me of anything you can't back up.
Oh, I can back it up, sweety
you shouldn't have left your evidence
you shouldn't have left your evidence
Couldn't you see with your spyware whose Monet
and who ISN'T?
and who ISN'T?
I don't think hacking was the topic here...take it outside to the streets if you want to fight.
will you never stop stalking this Monet character?
kiss, kiss, kiss Monet
we're talking about forum members betraying other forum members now, SHEL