Hi my forum friends. Our friend yoda posted:

SAN FRANCISCO -- Amid pressure from Democratic lawmakers, Homeland Security Department officials reiterated Friday that a foreigner's long-standing same-sex relationship with a U.S. citizen could help stave off the threat of deportation.

Binational gay couples are eligible for consideration under a federal program designed to focus resources away from low-priority deportation cases and let officials spend more time tracking down convicted criminals, said Marsha Catron, a spokeswoman for Homeland Security.

However, the Obama administration will not automatically shelve deportation cases or process green card applications involving foreign citizens married to same-sex American partners.

Catron said her agency will continue to comply with a 1996 law that prohibits the government from recognizing same-sex relationships, even as Homeland Security takes these relationships into consideration when evaluating possible deportation.

The Obama administration last year said it considers the 1996 law unconstitutional and would no longer defend it in court.

Friday's statement, which builds on comments Homeland Security officials made last summer, came three days after 84 lawmakers demanded the agency put its position in writing to help protect same-sex couples from deportation.

Immigrant advocates welcomed the comments but said a formal policy still is needed.

"It is significant to me because it is expressly inclusive of

LGBT families," said Lavi Soloway, an immigration attorney who represents a number of same-sex couples in deportation proceedings.

However, "as long as it's not in writing, it doesn't mean that much for an individual in deportation," Soloway said.

That sentiment was echoed by Drew Hammill, a spokesman for Rep. Nancy Pelosi, D-San Francisco, one of the authors of a letter this week urging the federal government to recognize couples' ties in a memo on field guidance.

The statement was first reported Thursday by the online news site BuzzFeed.

Homeland Security officials did not answer questions about whether a written memo would be issued.

The federal government last year began reviewing deportation cases to determine which ones should be top priority and which ones might be shelved.

Government attorneys weigh factors such as a person's criminal record, family ties and community relations in making their decisions.

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This reminds me of a story. Before I made it big in show business, Sea World in Florida offered me a job. Since I was studying veterinarian medicine at the time I was thrilled. I mean I knew they had horses, they called them sea horses, and dogs, they called them dogfish, and cats, catfish. So off I went. Well let me tell you, when I got to Sea World there was not ONE dog, cat, or horse. I felt duped and let them know it. They tried to tell me that I was wrong, that all those things were marine animals but of course we all know it was them and not me that was in error because I am never wrong about anything at all. So I set out to investigate, and during that investigation I contacted Homeland Security because I found out they had species from all over the world there, but I couldn't find the first legal document showing that those marine animals were legal citizens of Sea World. I was getting pretty close to exposing their game when they transferred me to dolphin and killer whale feeding. Now I knew dolphins could talk, but I didn't know they gossiped. I told them all about my plans and apparently one of them "narc-ed" on me because I was fired. Oh they gave me some story about how I didn't know my "whatever" from a hole in the ground, but I knew they were afraid of what I was finding out about them and the illegal marine life. But I decided not to sue them. Getting splashed by killer whales all day was a real nuisance and at the time I hadn't found a good mascara that wouldn't run when wet, so I walked around with "raccoon eyes" and limp hair all the time anyway, so I was kinda glad to be gone. Thanks for the memory yoda.

What a great story

Thank you invictus. Yes my friend, even with all the turmoil, and my betrayal by the dolphins, my days at Sea World did have some enjoyment. If only I could have found someone as smart as me to talk to, but we all know that's impossible as I know everything about any subject you'd care to discuss. And when I would start to regale my co-workers with my stories, their faces would go blank, their eyes would roll upwards, and they would get fidgety like they really didn't want to be there. I know that is because they felt so inferior to me.

I bet you drink Dos Equis.

Here's a picture of me at Sea World.

Oops, sorry, that was when I worked at the circus!! Here you go.

Have you done much over seas?

best, you reminded me of a time... about 16 years ago.. when i lived in denver and worked at the zoo.  we had a redazzed baboon, named chuck, who would poo in his hand and rub it on his face... chuck told me, he could talk and would from time to time, that he was gay and was sad because he didn't have a mate. we got him one and named it, outervector. those two loved to sling poo at the visitors. by the end of the day, they would both be covered in it and grinning from ear to ear...

thanks for the reminder, best.

Well, I never had the opportunity to talk to a baboon, but yes, I know they can talk because as you know, I know everything about everything. Before I hit it big in show business I taught sign language to a gorilla. Maybe you've read about it, her name is koko. I'm sure she could talk but for some reason she preferred to "sign". Oh well anywho, she loved cats. She always had a pet cat and loved it so much. So one day I got the idea that I'd teach the cat sign language too, so they could talk back and forth. Well, unfortunately koko had picked a stupid cat. Try as I might I couldn't get that cat to sign. I tried and tried and I spent so much time trying to teach it to sign I neglected my other duties and ended up getting fired. Well, I decided not to sue, I was tired of banana burps and sometimes the sign language koko used got pretty rough, especially when I'd put bows in her hair, or try to paint her nails. She'd sign furiously, "koko pretty-no need bow". Stupid gorilla and her stupid cat. 

Me, koko, and her stupid cat

Have you done much over seas?

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Yes, before I made it big in show business I toured all over ALL the seas and ALL the oceans. I played the gong in all the biggest name bands.

Hi to all my forum friends,

I know how you all love me & my life’s experiences so I have another to share with my dear friends.

While window shopping in the Walk This Way Mall in Huddersfud, Tn., I noticed a shoe store with a huge sign in the window. There was a picture of a woman’s spike heel & the words “The Devil Wore Prada”.

What?! I said to self!

I called the manager to the door, as I was not about to risk my soul by walking into a store full of heathens advertising for the devil!

I give that manager a piece of my mind & insisted that sign come down & that they were to stop selling those devil shoes immediately!

I had to stand in front of that devil store waiting for Mall management to get there since this fresh faced punk “manager” refused to do what I insisted.

I told those people it was my duty to see that store shut down because I wanted that crown & reward I had coming to me.

I preached Hell & brimstone until that punk employee was fired & was promised the rental contract would not be renewed with that store. My crown is safe for another day.

After hearing that they made a movie about the devil wearing those shoes, tomorrow I will go to that theater to get it shut down, as my work must continue.

I have placed that terrible sign here so that everyone can see what I was up against & the horror I had to endure while dealing with those heathens.

I know how proud you all must be of me for I certainly am. Have a wonderful day!

i had no clue our local forum contained so many important people...
i feel honored and humbled to be around such greatness!

Eesh.....I feel kinda plain, now....

0.o

Hi my friend semi, that reminds me of a story. Before I made it big in show business I worked for the census bureau. Well let me tell you, I was shocked at how they conducted "business" and told them just exactly how it should be done. They got all flustered and embarrassed because they were doing it wrong, but they saw what they had in me and the supervisor told me to "hit the road"! Wow, a promotion to country wide census taker after just half a day. But who's surprised since I do know everything about everything.

Well let me tell you, I had some adventures but I sure met a lot of stupid people along the way. I was in a shop in the middle of no where and I happened to notice he had a stuffed jackalope, BUT the horns were all wrong.  A FAKE! I was so upset that he was duping people and called him on it. Well then he starts telling ME that jackalopes are all fake. That burned me up because I know they're real, I've even caught one and tamed it. But later I released it because it was getting so large. It ended badly with HIM calling ME an idiot, and the entire store laughing, shaking their heads, muttering things like "moron" under their breath. I hope he heard them and knew what they thought of him even if they were looking at me when they said it. 

I just don't understand why people get so snippy and start trying to tell me I'm wrong when by now they should know that I know everything about everything. I tell you, people that think they know everything annoys us that do know it all. 

Well, I didn't get fired that time, I quit.  I just had such a hard time with people. They would argue with me, refuse to  give me information, wanting to see my credentials. Imagine, asking ME for credentials. I mean come on, I was the first country wide census taker, they didn't have credentials printed for that yet. And one more thing that didn't go well, I couldn't get reimbursed for my expenses, paid for the work i did, or even an acknowledgement that I had worked for the census bureau. I thought about suing, but things have a way of happening to people when they go against the government. Especially people in high places such as the "first country wide census taker".

Me on the jackalope I tamed and later released

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Have you listened to Gingee? She's as bad a singer as she is a cheerleader.

And they thought we wouldn't find out! Hogwash!!!

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I'm sorry RP, but heck, I can't help it if I know everything about everything you could ever mention. It's hard being right all the time. So many people don't take kindly to being "corrected".

Hi to all my forum friends.

While taking my nightly stroll down a 12 Lane Blvd. near my home, I was passing a radio station. In a window there was this huge 92" flat screen TV. Whatever this radio station was playing at the time, could be seen on this screen to anyone walking by.

Can you imagine my shock when they started playing Old Time Rock'n Roll. To my horror, Tom Cruise was on that screen, dancing......IN HIS UNDERWEAR!!

Well, let me tell you I marched right up there, kicked that door in, walked right up to that window & jerked that screen of sin right off that window! Yes sir, I did. As I was doing that I started singing, 'Ain't No Rock'n Rollers Gonna Make It to Heaven".

All of a sudden I hear sirens in the background. Of all the nerve, them rock lovin heathens had called the po po on me! I met them at the door throwing fire & brimstone at them, shouting as loud as possible.

Them po po's ran to their car & flew outta there like Satan was on their heels & since I did so good with my singing & preaching, I'm sure that's what it was.

Them DJ's ran back into that building & bolted that door. I stood there shoutin' & singin", until what did I see?

Yep, them DJ's was throwing stuff in their vans & taking off with fire coming out the tail pipe.

I went home knowing in my ole heart that crown & them reward's was gonna be mine.

Next day when walking, what do I see??! Yes, sir! That building was locked up, with chains on the doors, with a sign in the window that said, "Will Rent for Church Services Only!"

Whadda ya know...that crown is safe for another day!

I was feelin so good, I walked backwards in the center of that 12 Lane Blvd. knowing I was indispensable.

I  know y'all love my experience's of life, & the wonders I am doing. Can't be no prouder of me than I am.

You all have a good day now, ye heah.

I  know y'all love my experience's of life, & the wonders I am doing. Can't be no prouder of me than I am.

You all have a good day now, ye heah.

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I know I for one love your life stories. And yes, you should be proud, like I'm proud that I know everything about everything and I don't mind "speaking up" and sharing, well trying to share, that knowledge with others. I know that sometimes it can be frustrating to know everything about everything and have others, that know nothing, challenge us.  So sister semi I ask you, who else is better qualified to blow their own horns if not us? 

********************I think Bill wears Prada

I can't see them from here

These are my favorite, and the ones I wore at Sea World.

I guess so, they float.  Can you walk on.......nevermind

Well duh! I can walk on anything with my six inch heels. I've been wearing them since I was a baby! Before I made it big in show business I was a fashion consultant. But that's a story for a different day.

Me and my first heels

my forum friend "bestworking" has reminded me of a story...

back when i was as shoe cobbler, in holland, back in 1969, we made wooden shoes for children of single mothers. we use to make the heels for some american companies who manufactured shoes for strippers. sometimes, our company would sponsor a tour for a group of young ladies, few of them ever came back from america... after about 10 years, i decided to see where all those women were going. turns out it was a little place in minnesota. they were being sponsored to stay in america by some average guy, not shallow, not skinny. funny thing is, it was $1 at a time. he was a good guy, so, after seeing that all those beautiful young ladies were being seen after, i slowly started making my way back to alabama. on my way back.. i saw a nice lady riding a jackalope. i had no clue it would turn out to be a "forum friend". wow, i'm so impressed by her adventured. she must really know everything!

Oh my goodness yoda, how wonderful. That must have been about the time I was going door to door collecting money to buy dance lessons for the underprivileged children on the reservations. But that's a story for another day.

Picture of me teaching children on the reservations to dance.

I loved teaching the little children the dances of their ancestors, but a group of grown ups, most likely being jealous, put a stop to my lessons. Oh they used some excuse about it not being THEIR heritage, blah blah blah. I had to remind them that I know everything about everything and that they should feel very stupid for doing it wrong for all those years. That reminds me, I need to look up the meaning of the word em-bye-sil in a native language dictionary. That's what they called me so it has to mean, "she who knows everything about everything".

wow best, those natives were very lucky to have someone like you to teach them the RIGHT way to enjoy their heritage.

Hi to all my forum friends,

Natives? That reminds me of an experience I had a few years ago. Let me share this with my dear friends.

My family & I were at a parade. We were right up front of the crowd so I could shout my halleluyah's as those heathens walked by.

And then, to my shock, there comes people dressed as Natives. Dancing in their loin cloths, shoutin Diablo. Let me tell you, what the breeze was doin to them loin cloths was indescribable. That was some high risin loin cloths.

Then upon that breeze, words came to me, "Go, go right away........deep into the jungles of Africa.....you are to tran****e negative or confused feelings/thoughts into more ordered and productive ones of those lost heathens that practice vudo".

By golly, I left my family standing & away I ran. All the way to the airport, 21 miles away.

Once there, I destroyed those altars, shrines, temples, and tombs. I took away their magic, witchcraft, and sorcery. Those heathens fell to their knees before me, worshiping me. They had never seen such a person, with this light shining all around him.

Since possession is usually induced by drumming and dancing, I stomped their drums until they were no more. I cut off their toes so dancing was now impossible.

To make a long story short, I did many great works there. When I left, they fell to their knees to worship me.

My crown is safe for another day...my rewards are adding up.

Thank you my dear friends, for your continued support and admiration of me.

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Oh thank you yoda, and I do agree, not only the natives, but everyone is so lucky to have me. I know everything about everything so if you, dear brother yoda, ever want to know something you don't know, you can PM me. That goes for any of my forum friends. 

Semi, that just might be the most beautiful story I have EVER read.

Me, reacting to semi's story.

****************

I've seen that floor tile before, where were you?

Duh! I'm right here.

gosh best, you're so wonderful! we're very lucky to have a person of your stature on our meager little forum place!

Hello my forum friends. Yoda posted.

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gosh best, you're so wonderful! we're very lucky to have a person of your stature on our meager little forum place! 

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Earlier he posted

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wow best, those natives were very lucky to have someone like you to teach them the RIGHT way to enjoy their heritage.

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And I responded.

Oh thank you yoda, and I do agree, not only the natives, but everyone is so lucky to have me. I know everything about everything so if you, dear brother yoda, ever want to know something you don't know, you can PM me. That goes for any of my forum friends. 

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Thank you yoda my friend. It's so nice to talk to agreeable people like you. I know our politics are not the same, but at least we do agree on my greatness. That means a lot to someone like me that knows everything about everything and isn't afraid to share it. So often people just want to throw stones, instead of just facing the fact that I may be the greatest thing since sliced bread. You honor me my friend.

hi my forum friends

my friend , bestworking, says, Oh thank you yoda, and I do agree, not only the natives, but everyone is so lucky to have me

i agree... she's the greatest thing since kraft singles, individually wrapped. without her, we'd all be lost as a goose in a hail storm.

Hi to my forum friends,

I know how my friends love my stories so I will give my precious time to my admiring friends to share this story.

Many years ago, while taking one of my many nightly walks, which my family strongly disagrees with, I came upon 2 gangs thowing huge rocks at one another. As I tried to tell them of the wonders of me, those 2 gangs came together & begin throwing their rocks at me......say what? How dare they throw rocks at me!!

I immediately, in my wisdom, took off my sheeps clothing so this gang could see the real me. Once the wolf appeared, the gangs were frozen with fear & could not move. I picked up those rocks & slay those gang members. By the time it was over, I had slayed 40 gang members.

As I put on my sheeps clothing, people begin to appear, in awe of this sheep standing before them. They were giving me the admiration I wanted because I had slayed this gang all alone. Little did they know they had a wolf in their midst. But that is what I do & once again, I fooled people & have kept my crown & rewards safe.    

Have a wonderful day, my friends. I go out into the world again today so that people can see the wonder of me.